0
Maj Posted 21 years ago
Your words
Your words enter my soul
as if they were slippers walking
silently the night
looking for the ghost
that left them behind.
Your words kill the pain in me
soothing it with soft cotton
but outside it is cold
I am broken sitting in despair
listening to the air
hearing your silent voice
I long for warmer times
when your words and mine
were holding hands
in a love song
that was never mine.
I am not happy with the last two lines. Any comments will be appreciated.
as if they were slippers walking
silently the night
looking for the ghost
that left them behind.
Your words kill the pain in me
soothing it with soft cotton
but outside it is cold
I am broken sitting in despair
listening to the air
hearing your silent voice
I long for warmer times
when your words and mine
were holding hands
in a love song
that was never mine.
I am not happy with the last two lines. Any comments will be appreciated.
Top answer
Imagery is good. Maybe you could just think of changing the last line.... 'that was sheer melody' or 'that was so right' (just a suggestion)
- Imagery is good.
- Maybe you could just think of changing the last line....
- 'that was sheer melody' or 'that was so right' (just a suggestion)
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
2 Answers
0
That's a nice poem Maj.Imagery is good. Maybe you could just think of changing the last line.... 'that was sheer melody' or 'that was so right' (just a suggestion)
00
0 From the Hades of an unknown desire Where Orpheus lost all he regained in misery 02 br
00 A wisteria of opium smoke rose above the earth To wrap around the soft stem of a tender word Not a promise nor a prophecy What it was It's still a mystery 0-
00 A wisteria of opium smoke rose above the earth To wrap around the soft stem of a tender word Not a promise nor a prophecy What it was It's still a mystery 0-
0
Related Questions