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Anonymous Posted 9 years ago
Grammar

Your thoughts on this sentence?

I've been translating a text.. for a really long time (it's due tomorrow), and my thoughts are all over the place, especially with this one sentence.

"(..) is a two-day public event featuring audiovisual industry specialists, and newest media technology, such as drones (aerial filming), VR (shooting in 360 degrees), etc."

Something just does not feel right, so I am hoping you could point out what could be rephrased or changed, altogether.

2 things that bug me out the most:

  • the use of "feature" (I could not think of better wording to concisely express both of these thoughts: "gather industry specialists" and "showcase the use of technology", and because "feature" has many different meanings, 2 of which fit the context, but each to the particular subject, I used oxford comma (which I am not quite sure was needed in this case)).
  • the use of "etc." (this is one of those occasions in which "etc." or "and others" are used just because there were no additional examples to add to the list - I'm not sure how I could phrase it differently to make it less conspicuous).

Also, I was asked to translate the text directly (which is always 'great'), and if I did that completely the sentence would have "21st century" in it:

"(..) is a two-day public event featuring 21st century audiovisual industry specialists, and newest media technology, such as drones (aerial filming), VR (shooting in 360 degrees), etc."


but I'm not sure if it's contextually needed, and also it sounds even worse (is it..does it?) :/

  

Top answer

The main problem is the punctuation. ' And everyone knows what drones do. is a two-day public event featuring audiovisual industry speci alists and the ne west media technology, such as drones and 360-degree VR.

  • The main problem is the punctuation.
  • ' And everyone knows what drones do.
  • is a two-day public event featuring audiovisual industry speci alists and the ne west media technology, such as drones and 360-degree VR.
  • You don't need '21st C'.
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1 Answers
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The main problem is the punctuation. Also, 'such as' = etc.' And everyone knows what drones do.

...is a two-day public event featuring audiovisual industry specialists and the newest media technology, such as drones and 360-degree VR.

You don't need '21st C'.

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