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Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Grammar
Your opinion is appreciated!
Hi,
I would apprecite your opinion on the lyrics that I wrote for this country flavor song.
I am going crazy trying to to get you off my mind
You smiles were so beautiful, your kisses are so fine
Trips we took together, Time Square under the neon signs
Sunset strolls on the beach, and movies we had seen
Still playing vividly in my mind like a movie scene
It was long ago but seemed just like yesterday
Still remember the words of our vow on the wedding day
You were the love of my life and I was your man
Never thought you had a secret life with another friend
I didn't know if that was my fate to have met you
But I know the feelings we shared were once true
Now that feeling is gone and I wonder what went wrong
Waking up at night, my mind was playing our favorite song
The one we slow-danced to on the Christmas Eve when we met
My mind kept playing this tone even though I tried to forget
Couldn't sleep, tossing and waiting for another new day
How I wished this was all but a bad dream, Oh,its real I am afraid.
I remember you hugged me tight in tears that momentous night
Asked why you cried, but the truth cut me like a knife
You said the feeling we once shared has died.
And please for give me, I don't even know the reason why
After all these sleepless nights I still find myself calling out your name
Why can't I accept you are gone, things would never be the same
These lonely night still kept me thinking about you
My friends told me I should go out to find somebody new.
I should listen to them, move on and forget you
Stop feeling sad and blue, that something I should do
If I should see you again on the street someday
I may just say "how''ve you been" then walked away.
I would apprecite your opinion on the lyrics that I wrote for this country flavor song.
I am going crazy trying to to get you off my mind
You smiles were so beautiful, your kisses are so fine
Trips we took together, Time Square under the neon signs
Sunset strolls on the beach, and movies we had seen
Still playing vividly in my mind like a movie scene
It was long ago but seemed just like yesterday
Still remember the words of our vow on the wedding day
You were the love of my life and I was your man
Never thought you had a secret life with another friend
I didn't know if that was my fate to have met you
But I know the feelings we shared were once true
Now that feeling is gone and I wonder what went wrong
Waking up at night, my mind was playing our favorite song
The one we slow-danced to on the Christmas Eve when we met
My mind kept playing this tone even though I tried to forget
Couldn't sleep, tossing and waiting for another new day
How I wished this was all but a bad dream, Oh,its real I am afraid.
I remember you hugged me tight in tears that momentous night
Asked why you cried, but the truth cut me like a knife
You said the feeling we once shared has died.
And please for give me, I don't even know the reason why
After all these sleepless nights I still find myself calling out your name
Why can't I accept you are gone, things would never be the same
These lonely night still kept me thinking about you
My friends told me I should go out to find somebody new.
I should listen to them, move on and forget you
Stop feeling sad and blue, that something I should do
If I should see you again on the street someday
I may just say "how''ve you been" then walked away.
Top answer
It seems coherent and consistent enough. It has the right flavor for a country song. The problem is going to be that it's too long and doesn't have enough intermittent repetition of some sort of chorus that sums up the song.
- It seems coherent and consistent enough.
- It has the right flavor for a country song.
- The problem is going to be that it's too long and doesn't have enough intermittent repetition of some sort of chorus that sums up the song.
- Isn't that the way those country songs go?
- Just a brief line or two to carry the story line, then chorus, then a few more story lines, then chorus, and so on?
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3 Answers
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It seems coherent and consistent enough. It has the right flavor for a country song.
The problem is going to be that it's too long and doesn't have enough intermittent repetition of some sort of chorus that sums up the song. Isn't that the way those country songs go? Just a brief line or two to carry the story line, then chorus, then a few more story lines, then chorus, and so on? Mayb
The problem is going to be that it's too long and doesn't have enough intermittent repetition of some sort of chorus that sums up the song. Isn't that the way those country songs go? Just a brief line or two to carry the story line, then chorus, then a few more story lines, then chorus, and so on? Mayb
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Hi,
Well done! I know it's quite hard to write a complete song on your own. You did a good job.
I think, however, your song is long and doesn't fit the country songs' criteria.
I would consider it a poem rather than a country song.
Good luck, anyway.
Regards
Well done! I know it's quite hard to write a complete song on your own. You did a good job.
I think, however, your song is long and doesn't fit the country songs' criteria.
I would consider it a poem rather than a country song.
Good luck, anyway.
Regards
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Thank you CJ and Regards for you feedback. I realized the story line is a bit tool long as well. I just spent about an hour to jot down my thoughts and tried to rhyme with the lyrics. If this become a song, I think there will be quite bit of trimming down to do. But I just wanted to see if the lyrics have portrayed the broken hearted feelings of a man who is still deeply in love after all these y
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