You might be a screenwriter if ...

Question

You know how Jeff Foxworthy does those jokes that go, "You might be a redneck"? Example: "If your mother can cuss out a state trooper without taking the cigarette out of her mouth, you might be a redneck."

What would be some similar one-liners about screenwriters?

Lois

Usenet · Accepted Answer

If your idea is bigger than you are ... yoouu might be a screenwriter.

Usenet · Answer

You cannot order off the menu until you inquire about at least three substitutions.
You cannot ask a question without first explaining what you already know and/or declaring your intentions.
You can never, ever come up with zingers until at least two minutes later.
You have significantly more or less hair than most people your age.

You've never communicated the number in your party with your fingers.

You enjoy sounding out medication ingredients.
You think a road flare is interesting.
You won't shut the *** up until at least ten minutes after the listener starts looking at his watch. Alternately, you politely excuse yourself from conversations just as people are starting to figure out what the **** you're trying to say.
You always ask if your coupons and/or discount cards are still good, but only after explaining where you got them and why you think they may be expired.
You compulsively muse over the stupidity of clever designations of the men's and women's bathrooms.
You angrily correct the grammar of newscasters and commercial announcers.
You take more than an hour to write a simple letter.

Your hair is boring.
You muse that having your family die in a sudden accident would give you enough time and money to buy a cabin and write for a year.

You say "good" when asked how you are so you can pretend to be regular.

You'd rather post a question in an online forum that go find out for your own damned self.
You take guilty pleasure in splitting your infinitives and dangling your participles.
You've never passed a physics class.
You know of Dave Trottier AND Bill Froug.
You think that writing in your underwear is exotic.

You think about fiber whenever someone uses the word "regular" in reference to normal people.
You like films written by their directors.
Instead of just asking a damned question during a Q&A session, you make a meandering statement and recite a quote from a German, Italian or Frenchie, followed by the phrase "I'd be curious to hear your response to that."
You don't know the difference between writing a script and making movie.
You either greatly overestimate or greatly underestimate your worth on this planet.
You know what the Freelance Screenwriters Forum used to publish.

Bonus: You still have them.
You think this list is funny.

Usenet · Answer

You might be a Screenwriter if you never see your own name in your movie's credits.

~~
"These are the times that try men's souls." Tom Paine

Marc

Usenet · Answer

if you have a huge stash of brass paper fasteners hidden in your sock drawer.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]You know of Dave Trottier AND Bill Froug.[/nq]
Who is Bill Froug?

RonB
"There's a story there...somewhere"

Usenet · Answer

That's funny.
Doug
Just a virtual guy... in a virtual world

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]You know how Jeff Foxworthy does those jokes that go, "You might be a redneck"? Example: "If your mother can ... taking the cigarette out of her mouth, you might be a redneck." What would be some similar one-liners about screenwriters?[/nq]
You roll your eyes and sigh when you hear "They stole my idea!"

You can look at your watch in a movie and predict when a major plot point is coming up.
You spend what's supposed to be a pleasure weekend at a sumptuous resort working on a problem in Act II of your screenplay.

You have a visceral reaction to the words "Joe Eszterhas."

You sit down at your computer naked and freshly-dried because the solution to a plot problem came to you in the shower.

You have to abandon the really cool ending you imagined at the beginning of your movie because it doesn't fit with what you've actually written.
"Must have screenwriting software!"
You've developed a polite reaction to "My life would make a good movie. Why don't I tell it to you, you write it, and we'll split the proceeds?"

** http://www.coffeemac.com
**

You might be a screenwriter if ...

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