You have had a class dicussion television program. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay, give your opinion on the following statements . " There is far too much sports on television

Question

People have different views about whether sports should appear more or less on television. In my opinion, we must to reduce sports channel on television.

On the one hand, sports channel is very helpful with always up to date news of sports around the world, more than ever we can study through watch and know more information and skills. Nowadays, we have many sports program on television, that is why you have many choice about the sports channel.

On the other hand, when the sports program appears too much, tv viewer can not choose the channel they want because it look a jumble. They must spend a lot of time to search the sports channel they want. Importantly, it is not suitable for those who do like sports. For instance, most women prefer to cook than to watch sports, so we should balance the program

In conclusion, sports on television is necessary but we must adjust the number of sports program on television

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: You have had a class dicussion about television programs. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay, give your opinion on the following statements . " There is far too much sports on television

You did not copy the instructions accurately. I highlighted the errors.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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AlpheccaStars · Answer

You need to pay attention to articles (a, the, an) and plural forms.

You confuse the reader by not being clear. A channel is different from a program. You seems to mix them together. Are you talking about a match (e.g. a football match or a tennis match), or a channel that only shows sports events?

People have different views about whether sports should appear more or less on television. (That is not the question. The question is "Is there too much sports on television?" A good opening is: People have different views about whether there are too many sports broadcasts on TV., and if television time should be changed from sports to other types of shows.) . In my opinion, we must to reduce sports channel on television. (That is not a good sentence. Are you talking about the number of channels that are dedicated to sports? )

On the one hand, sports channel (Are you talking about one sports channel? Which one? Or are you talking about all of them? ) is very helpful with always up to date news of sports (I think it is the games, not the news about them.) around the world, more than ever we can study through watch (Poor English) and know more information and skills. (Poor English) Nowadays, we have many sports program (Many = more than one. You need the plural form.) on television, that is why you have many choice (Many = more than one. You need the plural form.) ~~about~~ of ~~the~~ sports channel. (more than one. You need the plural form.)

On the other hand, when the sports program appears too much, (Do you mean it is too long?) tv viewer can not choose the channel they want because it look a jumble. (I don't know what you mean. It is poor English.) They must spend a lot of time to search for the sports channel they want. Importantly, it is not suitable for those who do not like sports. For instance, most women prefer to cook than to watch sports, so we should have channels for cooking programs. ~~balance the program~~

In conclusion, sports on television is necessary but we must adjust (Adjust means to change. It can be bigger or smaller.) the number of sports program (more than one. You need the plural form.) on television

You have had a class dicussion television program. Now your English teacher has asked you to write an essay, give your opinion on the following statements . " There is far too much sports on television

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