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Snuppelina Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

X times decrease

Hi, I want to improve this sentece, eliminating repitative words but keeping the meaing. Could you please help me (the text is about reactor).

Use of foil results in a 10 times decrease of the velocity value in cell 1-1, 10 times decrease in cell 2-2, 31 and 43 times decrease in cell 3-3 according to experimental evidence and calculated data, respectively.

Thanks
  

Top answer

"X times decrease" is a fairly horrible phrase. I think this is a bigger problem than the repeated words. g.

— GPY

  • "X times decrease" is a fairly horrible phrase.
  • I think this is a bigger problem than the repeated words.
  • g.
  • 100 with foil, 10 without foil)?
  • Is there any good reason for saying "velocity value" rather than simply "velocity"?
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12 Answers
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"X times decrease" is a fairly horrible phrase. I think this is a bigger problem than the repeated words. Do you mean that the velocity value in cell 1-1 fell to one-tenth of its original value (e.g. 100 with foil, 10 without foil)?

Is there any good reason for saying "velocity value" rather than simply "velocity"?

You need an "and" before "31 and 43 times".
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Thanks. I had to change the values. The final version is like this:

Use of foil results in a 22 times decrease of the velocity in cell 1-1, 17 times decrease in cell 2-2, 31 and 43 times decrease in cell 3-3 according to experimental evidence and calculated data, respectively.

Any suggetions?
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My other two comments are the same as before.
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Thanks. Yes, but I changed numbers, so one tenth isn't an option anymore.
I don't think the work "value" is needed.
How would you paraphraze the sentence then?
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And if I add an "and", wouldn't it be too repetitive?
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snuppelinaThanks. Yes, but I changed numbers, so one tenth isn't an option anymore.I don't think the work "value" is needed.How would you paraphraze the sentence then?
Well, the actual number isn't important. It could be one-tenth, or one-seventeenth, or anything. The issue is the phrasing itself. I wanted to be sure I correctly understood what you were trying
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GPY(e.g. 100 with foil, 10 without foil)?
Oops, I meant 100 without foil, 10 with foil ... is that right?
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I am still not sure what a 22 times decrease in the velocity means. If it means what I think it might, then perhaps this works:

The use of foil results in a reduction of velocity to 4.545% of the original in cell 1-1, 5.882% in cell 2-2 and 2.325% in cell 3-3.
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fivejedjon, why did you write such numbers? I didn't get it...
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I was assuming that by 'a 22 times decrease' in the velocity, you meant that the final velocity was 4.545% (1/22) of the original.
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