Wrting task 1 - line graph

My answer:

The line graph shows the proportion of e-commerce sales based on various types of age at different times of the day in 2015.

In general, all people prioritized online shopping from 9 a.m to 10 p.m with over 5 percent of customers throughout this time

The first detail to note is that teenagers and adults spent most time shopping online in the early evening, from 6 pm to before 8 pm and limited that after 10 pm. Three age groups between 25 and 59 years old had a fairly common trend in online shopping. The proportion of sales for two of these ages increased sharply and peaked at approximately 33 percent of 25-34-year-old people and fewer with 35-44-year-old ones from 6 pm to before 8 pm. These sales fall dramatically later. Although it was the same trend, older people bought 10 percent fewer than two younger groups. In contrast, retired people liked shopping in the morning and bought the most from 9 am to before 12 pm with nearly 20 percent of sales.

The percentage of sales for the youngest group increased gradually from 9 am to 10 pm and fell after.

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Thank you so much in advance for anyone helps me find out my mistakes.