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Ellisa Posted 11 years ago
Letter Writing

wrote a body part

Hi teachers!
I've written a body of a letter persuading a student to go to college instead of working after he graduate high school.
Please check any grammar mistake as well as inappropriate use.
Thanks in advance.

From a short term point of view, two merits are to be expected when you attend university. First, you will receive a higher level of education about computer science, and be granted a degree on that field. I am sure that you will be able to satisfy your intellectual curiosity about your field of interest. Second, it will be a great opportunity to be exposed to new people and surroundings. In a microcosm of the world, building and maintaining good relationships with professors, university staff and older and younger alumni will help you learn how to deal with diverse people in the world out there.
Other merits can be found from longer perspectives as well. Once you graduate from college, it will be easier for you to get a better profession than the counterpart, the job-oriented students. It is hard to define ‘better profession’ since everyone has their own priorities, but I guarantee you will gain the upper hand of getting your dream job. Furthermore, the college courses will be of great help to widen your intellectual ability since you have pursued an upper level of education and hence you can set your life goal more specifically and follow through for the rest of your life.
  

Top answer

From a short term point of view, two merits are to be expected when you attend university. First, you will receive a higher level of education about in computer science, and be granted a degree on in that field. I am sure that you will be able to satisfy your intellectual curiosity about your field of interest.

  • From a short term point of view, two merits are to be expected when you attend university.
  • First, you will receive a higher level of education about in computer science, and be granted a degree on in that field.
  • I am sure that you will be able to satisfy your intellectual curiosity about your field of interest.
  • Second, it will be a great opportunity to be exposed to new people and surroundings.
  • In a microcosm of the world, building and maintaining good relationships with professors, university staff and older and younger alumni will help you learn how to deal with diverse people in the world out there.
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3 Answers
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From a short term point of view, two merits are to be expected when you attend university. First, you will receive a higher level of education about in computer science, and be granted a degree on in that field. I am sure that you will be able to satisfy your intellectual curiosity about your field of interest. Second, it will be a great opportunity to be expose
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APPRECIATE your correction ;D
I am happy to learn the word "tertiary" !!
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It still needs some work, IMO. You appear to be expounding on the obvious. A search on Google for letters of motivation should help better understand how to phrase such letters.

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