hello, this is my writing. please help me check it and fix it. thanks a lot
Topic: Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
That children is the target customer is no longer a peculiar phenomenon to all of us, even more and more children-oriented advertisements seem to spring up and boom successfully. However, due to its adverse effects, many people trying to curb those types of advertising. In my opinion, I completely agree with this prohibition.
First and foremost, from the perspective of the kids, they are likely to be influenced badly in term of their behaviors together with mind. By hoisting a banner and a bunch of elements such as animations, cartoons and so on, the advertisements pay off drawing the attraction of children and promoting their willingness to engage with them. Therefore, the kids become obsessed with commodities propagandized and pester their parents to pay for them. If their begetters always agree with them, those kids will be spoiled for being indulging, which may leads to disrespectful behaviors or selfish thinking. Vice versa, the children will be sent into the depth of despair for being haunted lacking of love from their parents.
In addition, from the perspective of begetters, they might be under lots of pressure for coping with their son and daughter’s requirements. In other words, those adult people are in a bunch of nerve while do not know how to say yes or refuse children’s ask.
In conclusion, advertising aiming at children had better to be eliminated owning to negative influences for both kids as well as begetters.
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You wrote 240 words. The minimum word count is 250. You will get a lower score. Your vocabulary usage is unnatural, so much of your writing is very awkward.
That children is the target customer is no longer a peculiar phenomenon to all of us, even more and more children-oriented advertisements seem to spring up and boom successfully.
That sentence has many problems. First, it