[Writting IELTS Task 2] Please Help Me On My Essay 28/05/2020

Question

Task 2:You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people.Do you agree or disagree?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. In any historical period, wealth has always been expected to accompany humanity because the wealthy have own substantial power, and resources of the society. Although it has been argued that the critical aspect of being rich is taking care of individuals and their families, the help to people who are less fortunate, such as the is such a crucial value that the rich can be considered for their spiritual welfare.Firstly, rich have always exerted a substantial impact on society. By the wealth, the wealthy contribute more than ordinal people to the charity resulting in higher efficiency. For example, Bill Gates, one of the top global billionaires, can be conducive to save the life of millions of children in Africa by his donation to the research about water sanitation. Besides, the rich are less reliant on the financial and political pressure in their voluntary activities. In comparison, the low-income groups are more reserved to help other people as they have not ensured their personal life.Secondly, the property can satisfy almost demands, except for the spiritual one, which is merely existent in the humanitarian activity. This kind of activity seems just like mental relief because it brings happiness to them. Specifically, the entrepreneurs thrive at the expense of other competitors; hence, they are susceptible to guilt complex and want to take steps to feel free. By contrast, the support to other people is considered to be the social responsibility of the fortune and the reimbursement that they earn from society.  In recent years, this attitude has been determined by the fact that some billionaires donated almost their property to a voluntary.In conclusion, being rich provides adequate power as well as resources for elite individuals to help other people. It plays a pivotal role in the spiritual life of the wealthy and relieves their guilt complex.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You did not adequately answer this essay topic. Be sure to read the instructions very carefully and answer the question in the first paragraph.

In the next two paragraphs, write the reasons for your answer and give supporting evidence.

~~In any historical period~~, wealth has always been expected to accompany humanity (That does not make any sense. I do not understand what point you are trying to make..) because the wealthy have ~~own~~ substantial power, and resources of the society. Although it has been argued that the critical aspect (Not a good phrase here) of being rich is taking care of individuals and their families, and ~~the~~ helping people who are less fortunate, such as the is such a crucial value that the rich can be considered for their spiritual welfare. (That does not make any sense. I do not understand what point you are trying to make.

Here is the essay question: Do you agree or disagree?

You can answer "yes" or "no".
If you do not answer this question, you will lose points. I can't find your answer to this question..)

~~Firstly~~, First, the rich have always exerted a substantial impact on society. ~~By the wealth,~~ the wealthy contribute more than ordinal (Ordinal is a type of number. It is a mathematical word.) people to the charity resulting in higher efficiency. (Not a good phrase here. )For example, Bill Gates, one of the top global billionaires, can ~~be conducive to~~ save the ~~life~~ lives of millions of children in Africa by his donation to the research ~~about~~ into providing clean water ~~sanitation~~. Besides, the rich are less reliant (wrong word) on the financial and political pressure in their voluntary activities. In comparison, the low-income groups are less able ~~more reserved~~ to help other people as they have not ensured their own financial security. personal life.

~~Secondly~~, Second, the property can satisfy almost demands, (That does not make any sense. I do not understand what point you are trying to make.) except for the spiritual one, which is merely existent in the humanitarian activity. (This is off-topic. The essay topic is not about spiritual fulfillment.) This kind of activity seems just like mental relief because it brings happiness to them. Specifically, the entrepreneurs thrive at the expense of other competitors; (Off-topic) hence, they are susceptible to guilt complex and want to take steps to feel free. By contrast, the support to other people is considered to be the social responsibility of the fortune (wrong word) and the reimbursement that they earn from society. In recent years, this attitude has been determined by the fact that some billionaires donated almost their property (wrong expression) to a voluntary. (wrong word)

In conclusion, being rich provides adequate power as well as resources for elite individuals to help other people. It plays a pivotal role in the spiritual life of the wealthy and relieves their guilt complex. (off topic)

[Writting IELTS Task 2] Please Help Me On My Essay 28/05/2020

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