WRITING_IELTS TASK 1_INCOME OF FOUR CAFES

Question

Hello, recently I have started writing IELTS from basic steps. I hope you can read it and give me some advice to improve my writing skill. Thank you very much.

Topic: The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York over last year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words (Improve your IELTS Writing Skills).

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The chart provides information about the earnings from four cafes in New York over last year.

There are two basic patterns: upward and downward. As regards the first one, the income from The Tea Room was down significantly, falling from $180.000 to about $45.000 in December.

By contrast, there was a gradual rise in the income of the other three cafes. Their earnings were up in varying degrees. As for the Internet Express, its sales decreased constantly in the first half-year, and then leveled off in the second half-year to about $135.000. Although generally, the income trend of Wi-fi Cafe was upward, its income over that past year could be more complicated than that of Internet Express as it could apparently be separated into three stages. The first stage took place from January to July, where earnings approximately doubled from around $45.000 to a little more than $90.000, and then followed by a sudden fall to $60.000, which counted as the second stage. Wi-fi Cafe’s trend ended up rocketing in three final months, making this cafe get the highest income in the last month. There were wild fluctuations in the earnings of the last, Cafe Cool. It experienced a consecutive up and down in the income between January and October, after that, its earnings climbed sharply from nearly $60.000 to $120.000, and also ended the year up.

Overall, except for The Tea Room, all other three cafes had a noticeable increase in their income. Furthermore, although the income of The Tea Room was the top in the first month, over the year, it became the bottom of all four cafes in December. The last three months in winter saw a surprisingly dramatic drop in its earnings.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. Also, when you mention data values, be sure to write the correct numbers.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

You wrote nearly 300 words, while the minimum is 150.

You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.

Second, especially in Task 2, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. In Task 1, you are likely writing about everything, rather than following the instructions and picking out only the significant points. This will cost you points.

Third, you will take a lot of the limited time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fourth, you will not have enough time to devote to Task 2, and get a lower score there. Task 2 counts twice as much for your overall score.

The chart (wrong word. Read my advice. Learn the names of all the infographics that can be used in Task 1. This is not a bar chart. It is not a pie chart. It is not a chart!) provides information about (That is very vague. It does not tell the reader what is on the graphic. Use the vocabulary in my advice.) the earnings from four cafes in New York over last year. (What are the names of these places?)

I have moved your last paragraph to its proper position.

Overall, except for The Tea Room, the all other three cafes had a noticeable increase in their income. Furthermore, although the income of The Tea Room was the highest ~~top~~ in the first month, over the year, it became the ~~bottom~~ lowest of all four cafes in December. Most of the decline came in the last three months, when it fell from first to last place. ~~The last three months in winter saw~~ (Months do not see anything.) a ~~surprisingly~~ (surprise is an emotional word. It is your opinion or reaction. It does not belong in Task 1.) ~~dramatic drop in its earnings.~~

There are two basic patterns: upward and downward. (That is totally uninformative. Things go up and things go down. That tells the reader nothing important. You are suppose to pick out the "main features. Besides, you repeat the information. ) ~~As regards the first one~~, the income from The Tea Room was down significantly, falling from $180.000 to about $45.000 in December.

By contrast, there was a gradual rise in the income of the other three cafes. Their earnings were up in varying degrees. (Vague) As for the Internet Express, (You have not told the reader the names of these places.) its sales decreased constantly in the first half-year, and then leveled off in the second half-year to about $135.000. Although generally, the income trend of Wi-fi Cafe was upward, its income over that past year could be (Do not use modal verbs in Task 1. You are writing about data, facts, and measurements. There is nothing underlain, probable or tentative about facts.) more complicated than that of Internet Express as it could apparently be (Are you uncertain about these facts?) separated into three stages. The first stage took place from January to July, where earnings approximately doubled from around $45.000 to a little more than $90.000, and then followed by a sudden fall to $60.000, which counted as the second stage. Wi-fi Cafe’s trend ended up rocketing (Inappropriate word) in three final months, making this cafe ~~get the~~ the one with the highest income in the last month. There were ~~wild~~ (Inappropriate word) fluctuations (Be very careful in using this word. It is ok here, but read my advice. Most of the time it is not appropriate.) in the earnings of ~~the last,~~ Cafe Cool. ~~It experienced~~ (Inappropriate word) with a month-to-month variation ~~a consecutive up and down~~ ~~in the income~~ (That is what fluctuation is. Do not be redundant.) of up to $20000. between January and October, (comma splice error, run-on sentence) after that, its earnings climbed sharply from nearly $60.000 to $120.000, ~~and also ended~~ ending the year at a fourfold increase over January's income..

Overall, except for The Tea Room, all other three cafes had a noticeable increase in their income. Furthermore, although the income of The Tea Room was the top in the first month, over the year, it became the bottom of all four cafes in December. The last three months in winter saw a surprisingly dramatic drop in its earnings. (This paragraph is in the wrong place. Put it second, after the introduction. The instructions are: first: the main points, and second, the comparisons and details. You have it backwards. Also, you repeat the information.)

WRITING_IELTS TASK 1_INCOME OF FOUR CAFES

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