[WRITING TASK II ACADEMIC] : HELP ME CHECK THIS ESSAY PLEASE!
This is my first IELTS task II essay ever, I think that my vocabulary usage is still not working properly so your clear correction gonna help me a lot! Thank you
In some country, some high school leavers are choosing to work or travel for a period of time before going to university.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of those school leavers’s decision. Give your own opinion.
It is stated that some postgraduated students of high school are making decision whether to start a job or to take a trip for some time before university life. While I agree that there are some drawbacks of this decision, I would argue that it is more needed to spend their gap year on working or travelling.
The choice to get a job right after graduation is disadvantageous to some extent. The main weakness is that those graduates will surely move up the career ladder not sooner than their fellows who choose not to start working initially. Therefore, being promoted is bounds to be delayed. Moreover, total expense for travelling, including accommodation and daily-meal spending is too prohibitive to afford to some of their parents. It is not advisable that people should take this option.
On the other hand, it appears to get a variety of strong points if school leavers arrange some jobs or take some trips in order to take advantage of the time for their gap year. A substantial benefit is valuable experience which can be acquired by doing a wide range of part-time jobs or volunteering in charity organizations. My sister, for example, recognized that knowledge gained from ‘’Green Summer” campagne is attributable for her efficient and fluent work flow right now. In addition, travelling also helps out graduates to define their specialities and preference which will facilitate the entry to their dream work in the future.
In conclusion, i believe that those decision from high school leavers will bring about a lot of significant advantages, however, going for a trip or getting a job still has some definite limitatioN before entering the university. (281 words)
Top answer
It is stated that (These impersonal constructs add no content at all to your essay. Although it is grammatically correct, it is poor style. ) some postgraduated (A postgraduate is a student who has finished the PhD degree, yet continues his studies to specialize in his field.
- It is stated that (These impersonal constructs add no content at all to your essay.
- Although it is grammatically correct, it is poor style.
- ) some postgraduated (A postgraduate is a student who has finished the PhD degree, yet continues his studies to specialize in his field.
- "Postgraduated" is not a good adjective.
- ) students of high school (high school graduates) are making decision whether to start a job or to take a trip for some time before university life.
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It is stated that (These impersonal constructs add no content at all to your essay. Although it is grammatically correct, it is poor style. ) some postgraduated (A postgraduate is a student who has finished the PhD degree, yet continues his studies to specialize in his field. "Postgraduated" is not a good adjective. )
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