Writing Task 2. Would you mind checking this for me?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Many hold that trying really hard can bring children a numerous of benefits, and make their dream come true. To some extent, I do agree with that idea, however, we cannot deny the opposite side of that situation.

On one hand, when they were born until they grow up, children are told that studying hard is the only way that can help them become a successful person in life, and that idea has been passed from generation to generation. Consequently, it comes to our notice that children today are stuck into the maelstrom of studying, which will make them stressful and exhausted eventually. From dawn till dusk, they have to learn without relaxing for a bright future. Moreover, some children might get no chance to achieve their goals due to the out-of-reach dreams. As a result, they will be depressed and totally collapsed and then become a burden for society.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that working hard can also have beneficial aspects. For instance, Facebook’s founder or Apple’s founder are setting examples for the following generation. From an office in a garage to a number of head offices all over the world, we are all amazed by their working and leading ability. Furthermore, by telling children to try hard, we also motivate them to study harder, work harder, and at the end of the road, they achieve their objectives and reach their full potential. We indirectly tell them that maybe things are not easy but it is not impossible by doing our best.

To conclude, trying hard brings children not only benefits but detrimental effects as well. Children should be encouraged to try hard, not obligated to, and they also need some time to free their mind from all kinds of stressful things such as studying or working.