Writing task 2- TOEFL. Topic: Society

Hi everyone, today I write an essay about the complexity of society and the ability of young people to plan and organize to deal with it. I would be appreciated to receive your feedback.

Many thanks!

Task 2:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Modern society is complicated so the young generation should be able to plan and organize. I agree with this statement as that would enable them to sustain their living and be well-prepared for their careers and other plans.
To begin with, since the job market has been competitive for years, young generations should prepare carefully by equipping themselves with knowledge and essential skills as well as making work connections before landing their jobs. For example, many third-year university students need to have a placement or an internship in regional companies. Although these positions are temporary for students, this would help them gain in-depth knowledge about their jobs as well as maintain solid relationships with potential colleagues so that they can adapt to the working environment, competing with others after graduating from their university.
Furthermore, the cost of living is increasing, which can be difficult for young generations choosing to live alone and have future plans. Therefore, they need to make a detailed plan about their budgets and organize well. For instance, in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, many single young employees have to work hard in their company, having night shifts in order to pay for their rents, their food, internet connection and other costs. They also avoid wasting their money buying unnecessary modern electronic devices, going to fancy restaurants or buying expensive gifts for their close ones on special occasions. Doing so would help them to deal with financial issues as well as save enough money for their plans in the future.
To sum up, due to the complexity of modern lives, it is vital that young people should be carefully prepared and well-organized. They can learn various skills and knowledge about their jobs and widen their working relationships so as to compete in the current competitive labour market. Additionally, they need to save money and work hard so that they can cope with the exorbitant cost of living and prepare for their future plans.