Writing task 2 The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime.

Question

Please help me check my essay.The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?There is an irrefutable fact that the today’s crime percentage is going down significantly with the advent of the Internet. From my point of view, I firmly believe that these technologies have helped stop many wrong actions in society.On the one hand, there are several reasons why it is argued that the crime decrease does not depend entirely on advance technology. First of all, today’s police force is well-equipped and better trained compared than that in the past, which means that their skills and knowledge have more advantages to track down offenders. Besides, economic growth leads to higher quality of life. This, in turn, citizens have better aware of criminals, which also makes a contribution to prevent a lot of crime.On the other hand, it is that, these days, advance technology plays an important role in helping the police find criminals and is also prevent many wrongdoings. The predominant reason for me to believe this is that there are a lot of evidence discovered by analyzing through the Internet technology. This makes it easier to find offenders. Video camera systems, for example, installed on most streets, help investigate and arrest criminals. Furthermore, today’s science also help detect and track offenders by recognizing faces and fingerprints through all residents’ data or record of crime. As a result, it also is beneficial for investigators.In conclusion, it seems that there are some other reasons for reducing of crime, but in fact I personally believe that this decrease mainly due to the development of information technology that has helped the police to tackle and prevent illegal behavior.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advancements in technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

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There are several problems with the above essay.

1- You need to get the structure right. Take a look at my replies in the links below to see what is expected of you. For example, the introduction should not be simply a paraphrase of the given prompt.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayAgreeDisagreeYoungEnjoyLife-Older/bjnlwx/post.htm

https://www.englishforums.com/English/CanAnyoneCheckEssay/bwpzmg/post.htm

2- The body paragraphs must be in line with the position you take. In the introduction you say “I firmly believe ...”, but your body paragraphs discuss both sides. That is incorrect. You can either change your position or change your body paragraphs.

3- You need to think carefully about the points/examples. For instance, the second point in the first body paragraph does not make much sense.

4- You need to write clear and concise sentences. Do not complicate your writing (especially the topic sentences) unnecessarily. Focus on the ideas, not on trying to impress the examiner with awkward phrasing. The phrasing in your second body paragraph, for example, needs some changes.

Revise your essay, based on the above advice, and repost it below. PM me if you need further help/clarification.

Teechr · Answer

[ 1] Crime is a major social problem, and governments use various ways to deal with this challenge. ~~The development of~~ Modern technology ~~today, which~~ is seen by some as a [ 2] means of helping to reduce the overall crime rate and to prevent crimes. ~~, has been gaining a great deal of attraction.~~ This essay ~~is to discuss and~~ explains why I personally agree with this view.

There is a major reason why some people hold a belief that technology causes new types of crime as high-tech criminals this means that it has the potential to increase the number of offenders. However, the law enforcement forces will also be well-trained and have higher skills thanks to this advancement. As a result, they have the ability to detect and arrest cybercriminals more easily. In fact, more and more high-tech crimes are being prosecuted and sent to prison in Vietnam thanks to this force.

In addition, modern technology enables authorities to keep electronic records of offenders who ~~were~~ are released from prison. ~~are on the criminal records which are controlled by high-tech equipment.~~ In other words, these criminals are aware that they are likely under police surveillance. Therefore, they will be less likely to reoffend. ~~more careful to avoid their wrongdoings. Besides, prisoners re-offend following release from prison, who also~~ If they do, they will be quickly arrested again by the police ~~through high~~ thanks to advanced technology which can quickly track and identify them. Sophisticated policing technologies nowadays use advanced monitoring cameras, and biometric identification and recognition. by recognizing faces and fingerprint in the record of crime or by monitoring the video camera systems which were installed in everywhere in the streets or public spaces. Based on these reasons, it is quite evident that the percentage of crime tends to decline because of high technology.

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[ 1]: The first sentence of the introduction should present the main topic to the reader.

[ 2]: “means” is a plural noun (it works with singular and plural verbs).

Your first body paragraph is no good. Choose one point to support your argument, develop it, and give an example or two. Try again.

Writing task 2 The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime.

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