Writing task 2 - pls help me fix it

Question: some people think playing computer game is bad for children on everything. Others think it has some positive on the way children develop. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Nowadays, more and more children enjoy playing computer games. While i accept that these games have some benefits on children's growth and development, t still belive that they are more likely to have a harmful impact.

On the one hand, computer simulation games have both entertaining and educational benefits, even earning money. Gamers not only play game but also have livestream to show their skills to others, then getting donations from viewers. Especially, when children play video game, they are transported into virtual worlds which are more exciting and engaging than real-life pastime. Besides, playing computer game may develop some useful skills to prepare for the real-life tasks and improve metal health for gamers. They encourage imagination, creavity as well as concentration, logical thinking and problem solving.

However, computer game's benefits are outweigh by their negative results. Firstly, gamers may waste money in buying expensive and powerful computer to experiece high graphic games and items in game. Secondly, Children can be highly addictive because users are constantly given scores, new target and frequent rewardings to keep them playing. They spend hours each day trying to progress through the levels of game, get higher scores than their friends. This type of addiction can have effects ranging from lack of sleep, harm to their eyes to cause problem at school, when homewworks are sacrificed for a more few hours on playing game. Computer simulation games play as main factor cause the rise in obesity recent years link to the sedentary life and lack of excercises .

Conclusion, it seems to me that computer games have both advantages and disavantages on the way children develop. But potential dangerous from them warn us about the significant role of parents in controling time playing of their children to get more efficient uses of computer games.