Writing task 2. Please review my Ielts essay. Thanks!

Some people believe that it is best to accepting a bad situation, such as an unsatisfatory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

My essay

If we live in a passive world, we take our jobs, we have our situations and conditions, why don’t we try our best to make a better life? It is detrimental to society if people always rely on their normal daily life. In this essay, I will give out the reasons why people should try more to improve and develop themselves.

In the first point of view, what will appear if people maintain a sedentary life and live passively? From a perspective, they may become redundant due to not having a good sense of discovery and development. An unsatisfactory job does not depend on the unfortunate and unlucky we are, it belongs to our potentials and responsibilities. Doing a variety of professions that are not our favorites seems to be very mind-numbing and stressful, therefore, we should reset our life and start the journey of finding satisfaction.

Secondly, it is right when almost successful individuals gave the motto: “Life will change if we change”. Accepting a bad situation means you are leading a worthless life without any motivation. Clearly, job aspirations will appear if we have a more well-rounded perspective of the world and the society around us. For instance, if a man takes a stroll on the street every day to sightseeing what things are happening, he will surely get an opportunity to change his mind courtesy of those ordinary things, namely: cars, animals, buildings, views which will help him to widen his cultural horizons and cultivate his mindset.

Finally, despite those arguments of many subjective viewpoints, humans now have acknowledged that putting efforts to have a good, prospective life is the best choice. In addition, ordinary people are mainly encouraged by the government to have more effective productivity, which emphasizes the importance of situation-improving. The more we try, certainly the better outcomes we will see.