Writing task 2 please help me check my essay

My topic: Discipline is ever an increasing problem in modern schools some people think that discipline should be the responsibilities of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

My answer

In today’s modern world, the role of discipline on children is a growing concern. It is argued that this is the duty of teachers, while others opine that parents play a more important role in inculcating the value of discipline in their children. This essay will discuss both points of view and present my opinion.

On the one hand, there are reasons why people hold a belief that teachers are a priority in improving discipline for children rather than parents. First, today’s children spend most of their time in school and teachers teach them directly about almost every aspect of life. Therefore, it will be more appropriate if they take responsibilities for managing their students to follow disciplines. Besides, most parents have extremely busy works to ensure for their family having a better quality of life, which means they are not able to have enough time to educate with their child. In fact, in many families, parents rarely meet their child due to pressure of works.

On the other hand, I personally believe that both parents and teachers should together have responsibilities for teaching children by introducing and controlling forms of disciplines. It is true that teachers often have a close relationship with their students, and they interact with them almost all days in a week. This, in turn, they are likely to make it easier than parents. However, although parents in these days need to focus on their works, children are the most valuable asset of them. As a result, They have to arrange their job to spend more time molding the child’s behavior.

In conclusion, it seems to me that it would be better If both parents and teacher help children follow discipline and show them what is right and wrong to become useful individuals in the future.