Writing task 2 - In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case?

Question

I hope that you can show me issues of this IELTS essay.

In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

It is true that owning a house is becoming a priority instead of renting for most people in many nations. In my opinion, this trend has both beneficial and detrimental consequences in equal measure.
The main drawback towards home ownership is that we need to have a large amount of money to invest in buying a house, this is by far more normal for most rich people, but on the contrary, it is so difficult for poor families or even middle classes. They could do this by taking out huge loans and eventually have to repay that over a very long period of time. Furthermore, the house is subjected to annual maintenance and the homeowner, therefore, has to pay this in addition to other expenses such as taxes, insurances and so on. That’s why in some countries like Sweden and Norway still have many people to choose to rent a house.
Despite the negatives mentioned above, but I personally believe that living in a self-owned home is a positive development for various reasons. Firstly, owning a home means having a sense of stability, comfort and security without the fear of becoming homeless. Secondly, if the house is already owned, we have the full right to modify it according to our needs and wishes. Finally, there is no denying the fact that being owned a house as part of a natural human desire after achievements that gained in life.
In conclusion, it seems to me that there are both the possible advantages and disadvantages of owning a home over renting one, and it depends on the individual circumstances.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

You have some good ideas in that essay, but there are two major problems with it.

1- You were asked to address two questions:

a. Why is owning a house more important than renting for some people (give reasons).

b. Do you think it's good or bad that people own their own home?

You should write one paragraph about each of those.

2- You need to learn about essay structure (especially about topic sentences, and the general-to-specific approach).

Take a look at my replies in the following threads to learn about essay structure.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayAgreeDisagreeYoungEnjoyLife-Older/bjnlwx/post.htm
https://www.englishforums.com/English/CanAnyoneCheckEssay/bwpzmg/post.htm

Revise that essay and repost it below if you like.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

designer nguyen. In my opinion, this trend has both beneficial and detrimental consequences in equal measure.

You need to pick either positive or negative and defend your position.

You did not address the question "Why is this the case?" in your thesis statement.

designer nguyenThe main drawback towards home ownership

In paragraph 2, you should address the question, "Why do people prefer to own a home rather than renting one?" You have not adequately followed the topic instructions. You will not get a good mark on "task completion." This essay is not an advantages/ disadvantages essay, but you have treated it like one. You need to learn the types of essays that are in Task 2. Do not mix them up.

The main drawback towards home ownership is that we need to have a large amount of money to invest in buying a house, this is by far more normal for most rich people, but ~~on the contrary,~~ it is so difficult for poor ~~families~~ or even middle ~~classes~~ class families. They could do this by taking out ~~huge~~ loans and ~~eventually have to~~ repay them ~~that~~ over a very long period of time. Furthermore, the house is subjected to annual maintenance and the homeowner, therefore, has to pay this in addition to other expenses such as taxes and insurance~~s and so on~~. (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or similar phrases in formal essays.) That’s (Do not use contractions in formal essays.) why in some countries like Sweden and Norway still have many people to choose to rent a house. (The sentence is not grammatical. There is no subject for the verb "have" and the infinitive is incorrect.)

designer nguyenDespite the negatives mentioned above

In paragraph #3, you need to give arguments for your choice of this being a positive or negative development. Chose only one of the options.

Despite these negatives ~~mentioned above~~, (Avoid "mentioned" "aforementioned" and similar expressions. Learn to use demonstrative adjectives. It is what native speakers would use because the ideas are in the immediately preceding paragraph.) ~~but I personally believe that~~ (Do not write your opinion in the body paragraph. It must be in the introduction as your thesis statement.) living in ~~a self-owned~~ home that is owned is a positive development ~~for various reasons~~. (Your following sentences develop this main point. "for various reasons" is not good. You can say "for two reasons" or "for two reasons" if you have two or three argument points.) ~~Firstly~~, First, owning a home means having a sense of stability, comfort and security without the fear of becoming homeless. (You have not developed this idea very well. Give a personal experience or example.) ~~Secondly~~, Second, if the house is already owned, we have the full right to modify it according to our needs and wishes. (You have not developed this idea very well. Give a personal experience or example.) Finally, there is no denying the fact that being owned a house (Ungrammatical.) as part of a natural human desire after achievements that gained in life. (ungrammatical Achievements do not gain anything.)

designer nguyenIn conclusion, it seems to me that there are both the possible advantages and disadvantages of owning a home over renting one, and it depends on the individual circumstances.

Your conclusion fails in "task completion." You did not answer either prompt adequately:

What are the reasons? - Give a summary of the reasons in the body paragraphs.
Is it a positive or negative development? Restate your position.

Writing task 2 - In some countries owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case?

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