WRITING TASK 2 IELTS: STORING PERSONAL AND PRIATE INFORMATION ONLINE

Hi this is my essay, thanks for your review in advance. Would you mind focusing on evaluating my word choice, task performance, grammar, coherence, and cohesion?

Task 2: Some people store personal and private information online, including banking, contacts and addresses. Is it a positive or negative trend?

Essay:

Nowadays, many people in the world have a tendency to update their personal and private data on the Internet. In my opinion, there are both positive and negative trends.

To begin with, store personal and private information online can bring some benefits to our life. This action can reduce the risk of losing important information. Because in some unpredictable situation the possibility of necessary information lost is dramatically high, therefore, people need an effective solutions to deal with. For example, natural disasters such as tsunami, floods, hurricane, tornadoes, can destroy many houses and in it life-threatening situation safety is always prioritized, so people should protect their life from danger instead of find paper consisting of essential information. As an inevitable consequence, people can lose them and will spend much time and effort to restore information about banking account, contacts and addresses.

However, there are also have negative effect while storing private information online. A huge amount of online user’s information like contact and spending habits may be stolen by hacker. Because personal information has increasingly become valuable commodities inside the telemarketing and online-market circle. In this case, people not only face financial loss their life can also be affected negatively. For instance, hacker have information about the banking account of wealthy person, they can hack into that account to gain a huge amount of money, so it can cause a big financial loss.

In conclusion, storing personal and private information online have both positive and negative sides. However, I believe that although some negative effect this action can bring convenience to people.