Writing task 2 ielts- please help me check it

Some parents buy their children whatever they ask for, and allow their children to do whatever they want. Is this a good way to raise children? What consequences could this style of parenting have for children as they get older?

Some parents give their children whatever they want, this will spoil their children. It is not a good way to raise children. In my opinion, it is really bad for children and it will affect significantly future of their children if they continously use this way to raise their children.

This style of parenting make a bad habit for children in personality trait. If parents can not need the demand of their children. They will be angry and blame their parents why do not do their desires. For example, when a kid want to buy a expensive toy but his parents do not have affordability, so they will be angry, crying until they can get it. Besides, this make childen do not understand the value of earning money or how hard to make the money. Parents should teach the children what can get or not and develop their self control.

The current trend is making children independent. When parents always pamper their children, they will always have the thinking that they can have everything if their family always beside them. Therefore, if they are far away from hand of their parents, they can not do anything. They face to the problem but they do not how to resolve it. Whereas, the independent kids will think about the problem considerately and have ideas to make the problem more easier. For example, one kid depended on family can not do the exercise, so the first thing that will do is asking his parents for help. In contrast, independent kid will try to resolve the exercise by anyway. Furthermore, in the future, dependent kids will not have ability to determine their future. When they become the aldult, they will be selfish, do not consider about feeling of other peoples.

In conclusion, as I mentioned above, giving whatever children ask for is a bad idea in rasing children. Parents should raise their children have a independent trait from early.

thank you for help