Writing task 2 ielts- please check my essay and score it for me. Thanks so much

Question:

Some expert believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at a primary school rather than secondary school. do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

People have different views about when children should be taught a foreign language. Personally, that kids are exposed to non-native language at primary school, not secondary school has much more effective effects than negative ones.

Almost every child has a great eager to learn something new, and a foreign language is not an exception. To satisfy their curiosity, they will find helpful ways to assist their studying. Children, naturally, raise hands to ask teachers when meeting trouble of pronunciation, meaning, or whatever is related to their suspense, while secondary students are sometimes afraid of getting out of their comfort-zone. Furthermore, study goes as a pair with practice. In developed educational system, in Philippines, for example, it seems that English appeals to primary students so much that they are active in English discussion, dialogue, gossips with friends in class, and at home with their parents, which really helps them be good at English in the near future.

Another advantage of early learning a foreign language is that students could have enough basic comprehension to gradually advance their command. From basic knowledge learnt in primary school, students will acquire more complicated grammar, vocabulary in secondary school and high school so that they may master useful language’s skills. As a result, they have made a thorough preparation for success in their career plans, due to the fact that these skills are integral in the globalized world. In addition, scientists argue that the sooner a human learn something new, the better and further their brain learns. Therefore, childhood is the best period to make them familiar with non-native language.

To sum up, although there are some disadvantages of early learning a foreign language, it seems to me that it is more advantageous to teach children another language at primary school.