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Dutchladyvietnam Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

WRITING TASK 2 IELTS: Do young people should follow the traditions of their society.

Hi this is my essay, thanks for your review in advance. Would you mind focusing on evaluating my word choice, task performance, grammar, coherence, and cohesion?

Task 2: Some people feel that young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others, however, believe that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Essay:

Social tradition is are a part of our live and it should be followed by the youngsters. However, some people argue that younger generation should be free to act like an individual. In my opinion, I believe that youth should have freedom. Even so, it is very important to follow own ceremonials.

First of all, young people should follow the traditions of their society so they can continue to uphold social norms. Firstly, teenagers have the responsibility to protect their culture value. If they follow social traditions in activities that are different between many cultures and countries, like marriage, funeral, for example, they can preserve their culture heritage. Secondly, by adhering to the accepted rules in their society, young people can have a solid foundation for the future and can live good or secure their life. Because the anterior generation were able to flourish in the past, it can assumed youngsters will have a healthy life if they follow their traditions instead of create new norms.

However, there many reasons for young people to have their own way of living. Some people argue that youth should freely express themselves in many aspects of life. Every generations have their own way to make their mark in history, the young people of this day and age also have opportunity to make use of their energy, youth and their time. Furthermore, social traditions are not set in stone and certain ones even backward such as tendency to belittle women in society. Younger generation have a forward-thinking will be the perfect people to create new culture norms, by being free and not follow outdated customs. It is clear that give young people free space have many benefit to all society.

In conclusion, while there are many merits in both views, I think the young people should selective to choose the social tradition they want to live and it depend entirely on themselves.

  

Top answer

You have many errors of grammar and word usage, especially subject/verb agreement and use of plurals. Using a lot of different synonyms destroys cohesion and coherence. Use pronouns to avoid repeating the same nouns.

  • You have many errors of grammar and word usage, especially subject/verb agreement and use of plurals.
  • Using a lot of different synonyms destroys cohesion and coherence.
  • Use pronouns to avoid repeating the same nouns.
  • Learn about comma splice errors - I bet that you make them every time you write an essay, and you will lose points for these silly mistakes.
  • ) and it should be followed by the youngsters .
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1 Answers
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You have many errors of grammar and word usage, especially subject/verb agreement and use of plurals.

Using a lot of different synonyms destroys cohesion and coherence. Use pronouns to avoid repeating the same nouns.

Learn about comma splice errors - I bet that you make them every time you write an essay, and you will lose points for these silly mistakes.

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