Writing task 2 - IELTS

Please help me check my essay below. Thanks in advance.
Topic: whether or not someone achieve their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer:

It is argued that the luck is the key factor influencing successes instead of their hard work. I totally disagree with this opinion by following explanation.

There are several reason why I believe that people want to achieve a sense of satisfaction in career, they need to master vital soft skills, academic knowledge and be industrious people. For example, Steve Jobs makes significant contribution to establishing iPhone brand who spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to figure out the great Macintosh operating system. Another example is Nick Vujicic, although he is a disability without limbs in Australia, he became a well-known motivative speaker. Furthermore, he fulfills conditions to get a bachelor degree in both accountancy and financial planning, and now he is traveling around the world to inspire to youth generation.

Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I do not support the view that people should not depend on luck to achieve their aims in their life. Firstly, perhaps people can easily pass difficulties through luck such as supporting from friends, family, but they can not appear at all times. Students copy their friend's answers during the test disregarding the concentration in study and they will fail when their teacher detect. Secondly, if people rely on luck throughout their life, they will almost certainly be disappointed. For instance, people can win a lottery in an occasion who is definitely luck since winning the lottery does not require them to do anything. Moreover, they cannot win the lottery in whole life.

In conclusion, for the reason mentioned above, i firmly hold the opinion that only when people actually obtain experience and knowledge, they progress rapidly in their career with the little need of luck.