WRITING TASK 2 IELTS

I'm about to take an Ielts test next month so I would be really appreciated if somebody could help me to check my essay and give detailed feedbacks. Many thanks!

Do you agree or disagree with the statement: “Public money should be spent on promoting healthy lifestyle rather than on treating illness”

There are question marks over whether public’s budget should be allocated for stimulating healthy ways of living or curing diseases. In my point of view, I totally agree with the idea that government’s money should be focused on encouraging people live healthily for two main reasons.

Concentrating on positive lifestyle promotion makes the money well-spent for two main reasons. First of all, since prevention is much better than cure, money spent on this purpose allows the healthcare system to be more economical and undemanding. This is the fact that many diseases like cancer are hard for radical treatment while promoting healthy lifestyle is much easier because it involves in daily activities such as eating habits or exercise routines. Furthermore, this strategy can certainly save the government’s budget. In other words, it is indisputable that money spent on medicine or medical facilities when curing ailments is much expensive than when promoting healthy lifestyle through mottos broadcasted on television, as an example.

The second reason is that encouraging the society to live in a hale and hearty way is more efficient. The human body requires a balanced diet and regular exercise in order to be in a good physical shape; therefore, if they have knowledge and awareness of how to live healthily, they will become stronger both in mental or physical. In addition, healthy lifestyle brings about the strengthening of the immune system, which builds up the resistance to many kinds of diseases. Moreover, injurious living way which involves unhealthy junk foods or sedentary lifestyle is the root cause of almost all the illnesses. Hence, in order to limit the widespread of many health problems in the most effective way, we should concentrate on helping people to keep fit and eat healthy foods.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that money spending on promoting healthy lifestyle is worthy because it will make the healthcare system more economical, straightforward and efficient.