WRITING TASK 2 - COULD YOU PLEASE REVIEW THIS ESSAY?

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My essay:

It is clearly observed that one prevalent adoption of technology today is to utilize Internet for personal data management. While there are some benefits of storing information online, I would consider this a negative trend due to its cyber insecurity.

First, to store an individual’s data through online systems brings definite advantages. Obviously, when most of crucial but easily forgettable information, including identity or account numbers, is uploaded and then saved online, it becomes convenient to manage and obtain whenever necessary. In addition, with advances in management systems, data is reserved for a long time, maybe permanently, unless there is intervention from the owner. This is superior to paper-based information, which can be destroyed and disappear forever as a result of harsh environmental conditions as well as carelessness of people’s conservation.

However, to upload numerous personal details on Internet evidently wreaks havoc on the data owner’s confidentiality. Indeed, with only a few sophisticated tactics, hackers can effortlessly attain several significant databases, one of which is credit and social media passwords. The aftermaths are apparent: savings in banks being stolen, and private images and contacts being leaked, both of which are heavy damages to an individual’s property and dignity. An example can be seen in Facebook users whose accounts are frequently lost due to the system’s security vulnerabilities, making opportunities for hacktivist groups to take advantage like selling images on other platforms. Moreover, when an individual’s phone numbers and house address are visible to whoever accessible to the Internet, their life may be intruded by cold calls for undesirable advertisements, or even more dangerous, their location may become target for burglars or kidnappers.

In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages of storing information online leave its advantages far behind, making it a negative trend overall, as its absence of security and confidentiality is truly detrimental to those who are using.