Writing task 2: Can I get band 6.0 for this essay?

Topic: Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and family life?

Here is my essay:

"Having children later in life become more and more popular in decision of many people today. There are many justifications causing this problem and if this issue lasts for a long time, it could give many negative impacts on society and family life.

Giving decision of having children later in life can occur for some reasons. Firstly, it is undeniable that having children has the same meaning like people have to spend more time for their offspring and less time for themselves than usual as well. For example, it is quite hard to arrange a trip if they have any children, while they can go anywhere at anytime if they have no child at all. Secondly, some young parents can feel not be willing to have babies before they reach a good condition about economy to bring up their offspring. Thus, people spend time making money together instead of having babies early.

There are some significant effects on society and family life if this problem happens for a long time. First of all, labour market can become imbalanced when majority of labour market is elders. As a result, it is so hard for society developing in economy field. In the fact that, having babies later in life can create remarkable generation gap. Hence, this can lead to difficulty in understanding each other in a family or even domestic violence.

In conclusion, although more and more people decide to have children later in life, I am of the opinion that people should have their offspring in reasonable ages to reach the best conditions for both society and family life."

Please give me some comments about my ideas and mistakes.

Thanks in advance.