Writing task 2

Question

I am going to take an ielts test next week, please help me to mark my essay, thank you so much.

Some people do not go directly to college but travel or work for a short time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is true that some individuals prefer traveling and going to work for a short time to attending college after graduating from high school. While there are some benefits to this trend, I am of the opinion that it will do more harm than good. On the one hand, the option to delay tertiary education for a short time is advantageous to a certain extent. Firstly, it allows new graduates to have time to relax after a hard-working period. If they immediately enroll in university, I believe that they are highly likely to be occupied with their intense study schedules and can easily be stressed out. Therefore, having a long break time enables them to recharge and alleviate stress, thus they could study more effectively. Secondly, traveling and working afford them to enrich their life experiences and hone practical skills. For example, traveling to a new country requires them to quickly adapt to this environment and their independent life. As a result, they might identify suitable majors to study more properly.Nevertheless, I believe that this trend may carry a certain degree of risk. The first drawback relates to forgetting basic knowledge. This is because, after a long experience, they might forget the essential knowledge that they learnt in high school. Moreover, the university’s curriculum is usually heavy and requires students to have fundamental knowledge and study regularly. Consequently, they may fall behind in their study as well as face peer pressure, which could possibly drain their self-confidence. In addition to this, high school seniors can lose momentum, finding it challenging to resume their education after a long time of being distracted from formal schooling. Hence, they might totally give up pursuing tertiary education to go to work, leading to some problems such as low income as the jobs available to high school leavers are mainly entry-level ones, which neither pay well nor teach them anything substantive.In conclusion, this trend might possess many advantages. However, I am more inclined to the view that the disadvantages will likely prevail. It is recommended that new graduates from high school should study at college or university before seeking a new job.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post. Click on this link:

Next, tap on the green button "write a new post"

Also, you have to separate your writing into paragraphs. Put a blank line after each paragraph to make them clear for the examiner.

What is your goal for a band score? One week is very little time to make any improvement....

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

You wrote over 350 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, pity the examiners who have to read all the IELTS essays individually. There are hundreds of them. If they read your long essay when they are tired at the end of the day, they will score extra hard and not be very generous when scoring.

Sixth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

~~It is true that~~ (Avoid these useless "filler words." They only serve to weaken your statement and add excess verbiage to the essay.) Some individuals prefer traveling and going to work for a short time to attending college after graduating from high school. While there are some benefits to this trend, (wrong word. There is no "trend" described.) I am of the opinion that it will do more harm than good. On the one hand, the option to delay ~~tertiary~~ education for a short time is advantageous to a certain extent. ~~Firstly~~, First, it allows new graduates to have time to relax after a hard-working period. (Joe is a hard-working man. Time does not work, so "hard-working period" is not possible) If they immediately enroll in university, ~~I believe~~ ~~that~~ they are highly likely to be occupied with their intense study schedules and can easily be stressed out. (That does not really flow logically. Furthermore, do not write opinions in the body paragraphs. Put opinions in the opening paragraph. Support your opinions in the body paragraphs, Restate your opinion in the conclusion.) ) Therefore, having a long break time (You contradict the thesis, which is a "short time". If you contradict yourself, you lose points. ) enables them to recharge and alleviate stress, (Comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) thus they could study more effectively. Secondly, Second, traveling and working afford them to enrich their life experiences and hone practical skills. For example, traveling to a new country requires them to quickly adapt to this environment and their independent life. (Are they going to live there for a long time?) As a result, they might identify suitable majors to study more properly. (Not a good phrase. It is misplaced.) Nevertheless, ~~I believe that~~ this trend (Wrong word.) may carry a certain degree of risk. The first drawback relates to forgetting basic knowledge. This is because, after a long experience, (contradiction) they might forget the essential knowledge that they learnt in high school. Moreover, the university’s curriculum is usually heavy and requires students to have fundamental knowledge and study regularly. Consequently, they may fall behind in their study as well as face peer pressure, which could possibly drain their self-confidence. In addition to this, high school seniors can lose momentum, finding it challenging to resume their education after a long time of being distracted from formal schooling. Hence, they might totally give up pursuing tertiary education to go to work, leading to some problems such as low income as the jobs available to high school leavers are mainly entry-level ones, which neither pay well nor teach them anything substantive.In conclusion, this trend might possess many advantages. However, I am more inclined to the view that the disadvantages will likely prevail. ~~It is recommended that new graduates from high school should study at college or university before seeking a new job~~. (Off-topic. The task does not ask you to give any recommendation.)

Your essay has been mainly transcribed from a sample essay. Most of the text is paraphrased, but the ideas and sequencing has been used from this source. Some phrases are copied directly. The text in light blue is identical to the sample. Thus, your essay may be considered plagiarism. Essays with copied or memorized text get a zero score. Do not assume you can fool the examiners! They can sniff out plagiarism better than a hunting dog can sniff out the trail of a prey animal...

Writing task 2

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