Writing task 2

Question

Hopefully I get constructive correction from everyone. Here is my essay

Topic :

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Other, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

My essay

People have different views about whether the authorities should apply rigorous penalization of traffic offences or a range of other measures to promote better driving habits. While each method has both positive and negative influences on traffic participants, I believe that the combination of the two schemes is more beneficial.

On the one hand, there are two reasons why people believe that strict punishments are critical to mitigate car crashes in countries. First, severe penalties can act as a strong deterrent of repeating the same offence. A majority of drivers always see deadly consequences of traffic accidents at a distance since it has not yet touched their life personally. Therefore, heavy fines, license suspension or even imprisonment should be applied to raise caution while driving. Secondly, by imposing more rigid punishment on traffic offenders, people would use public transportation instead, which will help to reduce traffic congestion during rush hour and the number of accidents will decline in tandem.

On the other hand, it is persuaded that there are more efficient ways to enhance road safety rather than punishing offenders. As inadequate transport infrastructure and poor condition vehicles travelling on roads also are detrimental causes to stagnant traffic circulation. In city centres, there should be larger pedestrian areas which are safer and more attractive for both residents and tourists. Finally, effect of a stiffer penalization may be reversed in low-income families. By educating people properly at the early age, people will be voluntarily more alert when driving.

In conclusion, while imposing penalty on traffic violators seem to be a prominent solution, I strongly approve applying alternative measures at the same time to enhance road safety all over the world.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

People have different views about whether the authorities should apply rigorous penalization (unnatural) of traffic offences or (put a verb here) a range of other measures to promote better driving habits. While each method has both positive and negative influences on traffic participants, (What is a "traffic participant"?) I believe that the combination of the two schemes (Which two? A range of things does not count as one thing.) is more beneficial.

On the one hand, there are two reasons why people believe that strict punishments are critical to mitigate (wrong verb) car crashes ~~in countries.~~ First, severe penalties can act as a strong deterrent to repeating the same offence. A majority of drivers always see deadly consequences of traffic accidents at a distance since it (what is the antecedent of "it"?) has not yet touched their life personally. Therefore, heavy fines, license suspension or even imprisonment should be applied to raise caution while driving. (?) Second, by imposing more rigid (not a good word choice) punishment on traffic offenders, people would use public transportation instead, which will help to reduce traffic congestion during rush hour and the number of accidents will decline in tandem.

On the other hand, it is persuaded (?) that there are more efficient ways to enhance road safety rather than punishing offenders. As inadequate transport infrastructure and ~~poor condition~~ poorly-maintained vehicles travelling on roads also are detrimental causes to stagnant traffic circulation. (When traffic is stagnant, it does not circulate at all. That sentence is incomplete. It is a fragment.) In city centres, there should be larger pedestrian areas which are safer and more attractive for both residents and tourists. Finally, (missing word) effect of a stiffer penalization may be reversed in low-income families. By educating people properly at the early age, people will be voluntarily more alert when driving.

In conclusion, while imposing penalty on traffic violators seem to be a prominent solution, I strongly approve (missing word) applying alternative measures at the same time to enhance road safety all over the world.

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you for your correction. I am truly appreciate your help. I've just corrected some faults you noticed me.

People have different views about whether traffic offenders should be heavily penalized of traffic offences or the authorities had better apply a range of other measures to promote better driving habits. While each method has both positive and negative influences on road safety I believe that the combination of the two solution is more beneficial.

On the one hand, there are two reasons why people believe that strict punishments are critical to reduce car crashes. First, severe penalties can act as a strong deterrent to repeating the same offence. A majority of drivers always see deadly consequences of traffic accidents at a distance since they have not yet touched their life personally. Therefore, heavy fines, license suspension or even imprisonment should be applied to raise awareness of people driving on roads. Second, by imposing stiffer punishment on traffic offenders, people would use public transportation instead, which will help to reduce traffic congestion during rush hour and the number of accidents will decline in tandem.

On the other hand, I think that there are more efficient ways to enhance road safety rather than punishing offenders. As inadequate transport infrastructure such as potholes and poor-condition roads can be detrimental causes to traffic accidents. In city centres, there should be larger pedestrian areas which are safer and more attractive for both residents and tourists. Finally, the effect of a stiffer penalty may be reversed in low-income families. By educating people properly at the early age, people will be voluntarily more alert when driving.

In conclusion, while imposing punishment on traffic violators seem to be a prominent solution, I strongly approve the idea of applying alternative measures at the same time to enhance road safety all over the world.

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