Writing task 1,please help me to check it and estimate how much score I'll get

Question

The chart provides details about the spending of different consumer goods which varies according to two countries in 2010.

Overall,as it can be seen that cars were the most popular demand for resident in these two countries.By contrast,perfume accounted the lowest proportion of consumption .In terms of cars,books and cameras,the UK accounted more predominant amount of utilization than those of France.Typically,the figure for the expenditure on cameras in the UK reached a peak of 400.000 pounds sterling,while the one in France conveyed a significant gap compared with the UK(nearly 200.,000 pounds sterling).However,In terms of computers and perfume,France took possession of higher use than the UK,but that was not a remarkable difference(about 30,000 and 60,000 respectively).On the other hand,the UK held large consumption of cars(at 450,000 pounds sterling),meanwhile France consumed 400,000 pounds sterling of this items.But the thing noticeable is the figure for the gap of utilization of books between the UK and France was twice as much as the one of cars.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Sorry, I cannot see the chart you are writing about. Please attach an image.

Sucsuc2512 · Answer

Sucsuc2512 · Answer

sucsuc2512
The chart provides details about the spending of different consumer goods which varies according to two countries in 2010.
Overall,as it can be seen that cars were the most popular demand for resident in these two countries.By contrast,perfume accounted the lowest proportion of consumption .In terms of cars,books and cameras,the UK accounted more predominant amount of utilization than those of France.Typically,the figure for the expenditure on cameras in the UK reached a peak of 400.000 pounds sterling,while the one in France conveyed a significant gap compared with the UK(nearly 200.,000 pounds sterling).However,In terms of computers and perfume,France took possession of higher use than the UK,but that was not a remarkable difference(about 30,000 and 60,000 respectively).On the other hand,the UK held large consumption of cars(at 450,000 pounds sterling),meanwhile France consumed 400,000 pounds sterling of this items.But the thing noticeable is the figure for the gap of utilization of books between the UK and France was twice as much as the one of cars.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Your text is full of spacing errors. Put a space after a comma, period, or other punctuation mark. This makes your writing very difficult to decipher.

The (What kind of chart is this?) chart provides details about (That is very vague. Details could be almost anything. What exactly is on the chart?) the spending of (Wrong preposition. Goods do not spend money. ) different consumer goods which varies according to two countries (very poor expression) in 2010.

Overall,~~as it can be seen that~~ (Do not use at convey no information to the reader) cars were the most popular demand for resident (poor expression) in these two countries.By contrast,perfume accounted the lowest proportion of consumption .In terms of cars,books and cameras,the UK accounted more predominant amount of utilization (bad expression) than those of France.Typically,the figure (wrong word) for the expenditure on cameras in the UK reached a peak (wrong word. "Peak" is only for graphs having many data points over a long time period.) of 400.000 pounds sterling,while the one in France conveyed a significant gap (incorrect expression) compared with the UK(nearly 200.,000 pounds sterling).However,In terms of computers and perfume,France took possession of higher use (incorrect expression) than the UK,but that was not a remarkable (Remarkable is an opinion word. Do not write opinions in Task 1) difference(about 30,000 and 60,000 respectively).On the other hand,the UK held large consumption of cars(at 450,000 pounds sterling),meanwhile France consumed 400,000 (Countries do not eat money.) pounds sterling of this (wrong form) items.But the thing noticeable (incorrect word order) is the figure for the gap of utilization (This makes no sense.) of books between the UK and France was twice as much as the one of cars.

You need to write clear and simple sentences about what you see on the chart. Use vocabulary words that you understand very well. Do not attempt to use sophisticated phrases and "big words.". Your level of English is too limited for that. I cannot understand most of your essay because the phrases are incorrect and unnatural. For example "consumption of cars". People do not consume cars! We consume food and drinks.

You must learn the word "category" for pie charts and bar charts. When you do a lot more practice Task 1 exercises, you will learn how to combine similar categories or do simple sums to impress the examiners.

Opening paragraph version #1:

The bar chart compares the spending by French and British people in 2010 on five different categories of consumer items – cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras. The units of measure are pounds sterling (pounds).

Opening paragraph version #2:

The bar chart plots the amounts of money (pounds sterling) used in purchasing five different kinds of consumer items by residents in two countries, France and the UK, in 2010. The items are cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras.

Paragraph #2 "Overall" This paragraph has 2 or 3 of the most significant observations. The first point is from summing all five categories for each country.

Overall, the British outspent the French, a total of 1.74 compared to 1.43 million pounds. And their expenditures were larger in three of the five categories (cars, books and cameras). The largest differences were in cameras (200,000 pounds) and books (100,000 pounds). The French expenditures in the other two categories - computers and perfumes - exceeded that of the British, but not by very much.

Paragraph #3. Write about some interesting details. Do not write about every data point on the chart. You are only supposed to summarize and highlight the features.

For both countries, cars represented the largest amounts spent, 450,000 pounds for the British and 50,000 less for the French (400 thousand). After cars, the next largest category for the British was books, and computers for the French. The British spent about 30,000 pounds more for books than the French did for computers. And cameras represented the third largest spending category for the British, exceeding computers by a very narrow margin of only about 2,000 pounds. Perfume was the smallest category for the UK consumers (slightly less than 150,000 pounds). The French spent more on perfume (200,000 pounds) than they did on cameras, which was their smallest outlay at 150,000 pounds.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

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Writing task 1,please help me to check it and estimate how much score I'll get

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