Writing task 1_Line Graph

Question

The line graph illustrates the proportion of total expenditure on five different categories in one country of Europe between 1960 and 2000.

Overall, the proportion of spending on Food declined substantially, while the amount of expenditure on Transport throughout four decades. The percentage of leisure expenses remained relatively stable after 40 years.

In 1960, the percentage of spending on Food was the highest, at approximately 35%, while expenditure on Transport was much lower, at about 9%. Over the 40 following years, there was a steady increase in the proportion of spending on Transport to 15%. In contrast, Food expenses dropped considerably by 16% at the same time.

The proportion of spending on Leisure, Clothing, and Fuel/Energy began relatively low, at 9%, 10%, and 6% respectively in 1960. Spending on Leisure increased steadily to roughly 18% in 1970 after gradually decreasing to 11% in 2000. In the meantime, there were slight decreases to 5% and 4% in expenditure on Clothing and Fuel/Energy respectively.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The line graph illustrates (illustrate means "make a picture". It is not a good verb for line graphs. Read my advice. ) the proportion of total expenditure on five different categories in one country of Europe between 1960 and 2000. (What are the categories? This paragraph is incomplete.)

Overall, the proportion of spending on

Overall, the proportion of spending on Food declined substantially, while the amount (wrong word. Amount is a number such as $4200. The graph does not plot amounts.) of expenditure (Do not try so hard to use synonyms. . It is not effective in Task 1.) on Transport throughout the four decades. The percentage of leisure expenses remained relatively stable (That means it did not change much over the period. But that is not exactly correct.) after (wrong proposition) 40 years.

In 1960, the percentage of spending on Food was the highest, at approximately 35%, while expenditure on Transport was much lower, at about 9%. Over the 40 following years, there was a steady increase in the proportion of spending on Transport to 15%. In contrast, Food expenses dropped considerably by 16% ~~at the same time~~.

The proportion of spending on Leisure, Clothing, and Fuel/Energy began relatively low, at 9%, 10%, and 6% respectively in 1960. Spending on Leisure increased steadily to roughly 18% in 1970 after gradually decreasing to 11% in 2000. In the meantime, there were slight decreases to 5% and 4% in expenditure on Clothing and Fuel/Energy respectively.

There are no major mistakes in your essay. It is a good length. But you mainly copied values from the graph rather than making comparisons.

You missed the most important main feature of the graph. There is a lot of repetition of the words "spending" and "expenditure." Learn to use pronouns to avoid repetition.

Example: This essay is too long (~225 words) but demonstrates how to make comparisons. Pronouns are used to avoid excessive repetition and awkward use of synonyms. If you mainly copy values from the graphs and charts, it will not earn a superior score.

The line graph plots the relative spending of people in a European nation over a forty-year period from 1960 to 2000 in five budget categories: food, leisure, clothing, transport and energy.

Overall, in 1960, these people allocated nearly 70% of their budget to these five categories, but it dropped to about half in 1960. Most of the decline was due to the significant decrease in spending on food. That category took the most money in 1960, but it was second after transportation in 2000.

In detail, besides food, two other categories went down, energy and clothing. Leisure was about the same in 2000 as it was in 1960, about 10%, but it had a peak at 17% in 1970. All the other categories showed a continuous increase or decrease. The largest budget item was food for nearly the entire period, but it was more than cut in half from 34% in 1960 to 14% in 2000, to end just under transportation, which had gone up from 9 to 15%. The lowest category during the entire period was energy, which steadily declined by only 2% from 6% to 4%. Clothing, which ranked fourth between 1970 and 2000, dropped from 10 to 5%. In 1960, three of the five categories clustered around the same percentage, about 10% each. They were leisure, transportation and clothing.

Writing task 1_Line Graph

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