Writing task 1_Help me improve please

Question

The bar chart compares the consumption of patron in France and UK on purchase merchandises in the previous decade. It is apparent that the spending between two given nations are fluctuated. In addition, French customers spent more than British customers.

According to the chart, cars took the highest outgo in France, more than 450,000,000 pounds sterling. The consumption for books, cameras and computers were lower, at about 300,000,000 to 400,000,000 penny respectively.

French consumers spent more than British consumers, however, computers and fragrances were consumed more in UK than France, British spent more than 550,000,000 pounds while French spent nearly 500,000,000 pounds in both computers and fragrances. On the other hand, people in UK buy less cameras in comparision to people buy cameras in France, French spent further than 350,000,000 shilling while British only spent 150,000,000 shilling.

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Your essay is filled with inaccurate information. You must report exactly what is in the figure.

The bar chart compares the consumption (wrong word) of patron (Is there one person named "Patron"?) in France and UK on purchase (wrong form) merchandises (wrong form) in the previous decade. (A decade is a time period of ten years. The "previous decade" from 2020 would be the ten years from 2000-2009). (Your first paragraph is not complete. How many categories of purchases are shown? What are the categories?) ~~It is apparent that~~ ~~the~~ spending between two given nations are fluctuated. (Wrong word) In addition, French customers spent more (That is false. The British spent a total of about 1.7 million pounds compared to the French who spent 650 thousand. The British spent more than twice the amount that the French did. ) than British customers. (Do not write about the data in the first paragraph. Just describe the figure.)

~~According to the chart,~~ (That tells the reader nothing about the data. We know you are looking at this chart.) cars took the highest outgo (wrong word. Outgo would describe some money that goes out of the country. ) in France, more than 450,000,000 (wrong number ) pounds sterling. The consumption (Consumption is used for items like food, petrol and electricity. Once things are consumed, they cannot be used again; they are gone. Books and cameras are not consumed. After they are purchased, people can give them away, throw them away or sell them to someone else. ) for books, cameras and computers were lower, at about 300,000,000 to 400,000,000 penny respectively.

French consumers spent more than British consumers, however, computers and fragrances (This is not on the chart. All perfumes are fragrances, but not all fragrances are perfumes. ) were consumed (wrong words) more in UK than France, British spent more than 550,000,000 pounds while French spent nearly 500,000,000 pounds on in both computers and fragrances. On the other hand, people in UK buy less (wrong word - fewer) cameras in comparision to with people buy cameras (You cannot use a full clause as the complement of a preposition. It is not grammatical.) in France, French spent further than 350,000,000 shilling while British only spent 150,000,000 shilling. (Shillings do not exist any more. How can they spend money that does not exist?)

Writing task 1_Help me improve please

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