Writing task 1 Trend

Question

The charts illustrates the disparities between two genders in six types of education setting.

Overall, the number of female is superior male in three out of six categories. The greatest rate of female tutors by around 90% is observed in nursery school and primary school. Moreover, two lowest level of tuition also record the most minor proportion of male teachers by nearly 10%. Consequently, the most striking discrepancy between two genders is witnessed in both of nursery and primary educational level.

It can be seen that in university, the number of men which is demonstrated the highest ratio of 70% is double to the amount of women. The number of tutors in Secondary school, College, Private training institute records almost equivalent data among two genders.

I hope to get some reviews. I am very thankful

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The charts (There is only one chart.) illustrates the disparities between two genders This implies that there are more than two genders. It is poor English) in six types of education setting. (wrong form. There is more than one setting.)

Your first paragraph is very incomplete. You have not told the reader what is measured, the units of measurement, or the six categories.

Model paragraph:

The chart gives the relative proportions of men and women teachers in six different categories of employment. The data is for the UK in 2010. The six categories are Nursery / Preschool, Primary School, Secondary School, College, Private Training Institute and University.

Overall, the number (wrong word. The chart does not show numbers at all. Numbers would be a count of the people. For example, 153 women teachers and 876 male teachers. ) of female (wrong form.) is superior male (wrong phrase. A superior male is one who has a higher position, or who acts like he is better than others. ) in three out of the six categories. The greatest rate (wrong word. The chart does not show rates at all. ) of female tutors (wrong word.) by around 90% is observed in nursery school and primary school. Moreover, two lowest level of tuition (wrong word. Tuition is the amount of money you pay to go to school.) . also record the most minor proportion of male teachers by nearly 10%. Consequently, the most striking discrepancy between two genders is ~~witnessed~~ (wrong word. Avoid the words "see, witness and experience" in Task 1. These are not appropriate in a math context.) in both of nursery and primary educational level.

~~It can be seen that~~ (Unnecessary verbiage.) in university, the number (wrong word) of men which is demonstrated (wrong word. ) the highest ratio of 70% is double (ungrammatical sentence structure ) to the amount (wrong word. of women. The number of tutors in Secondary school, College, Private training institute records almost equivalent data among two genders.

Some points to consider and model sentences:

In general, ss the age of the students or grade level increases, the proportion of male teachers increases.

Another way to express this is: The proportion of male teachers is highly correlated to grade level.

Female teachers dominate in the lower grade levels, especially for the youngest children.
Only one in twenty teachers in pre-school is a male; in primary grades that increases, but is still only one in ten.
There is equal employment in college; half the teachers are female.

Writing task 1 Trend

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions