Writing Task 1 : tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

Question

Hello. I have studied English for a short time so my ability of writing a passage is not good. Can you check my writing and give me some advice? Thank you so much.

"The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words."

You can see the graph here: https://www.google.com.vn/search?q=tourists+to+England+who+visited+four+different++attractions+in+Brighton.&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjMgNnO44XUAhWFp5QKHUelDi8Q_AUIBygC&biw=1280&bih=919#imgrc=3HixWoJ9z5IhzM:

MY WRITING

"The chart illustrates the percentage of visitors to England who went to four different attractions in Brighton.

Overall, the percentage of tourists who visited Pavilion and Pier increased between 1980 and 2010 while the figures visitors to others decreased.

It can be seen from the graph that the rate of tourists to Pavilion went up enormously from 24% to 49% in the period between 1980 and 1995. But it went down immediately and in 2010, the percentage 30%. The proportion of visitors to Pier fluctuated but at last it was 21%, rose 11% more than in 1985.

Art Gallery attracted 21% tourists of Brighton in 1980 and 5 years ago, this figure increased significantly to 37%. However, it declined throughout the next 25 years and in 2010, it was only 8%. The percentage of Festival changed slightly. In 1980, it was 20% and the proportion minused 2% in 2010."

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The chart illustrates the percentage of visitors to England who went to four different attractions in Brighton.

Overall, the percentage of tourists who visited the Pavilion and Pier increased between 1980 and 2010 while the figures visitors to others decreased.

It can be seen from the graph that the rate of tourists (missing word) to the Pavilion went up enormously from 24% to 49% in the period between 1980 and 1995. But it went down immediately and in 2010, the percentage (missing word) 30%. The proportion of visitors to the Pier fluctuated but at last it was (improper usage) 21%, rose 11% more than in 1985.

The Art Gallery attracted 21% tourists of Brighton in 1980 and 5 years ago, ( This year is 2017. Five years ago is 2012. 2012 is not on the graph.) this figure increased significantly to 37%. However, it declined throughout the next 25 years and in 2010, it was only 8%. The percentage of the Festival (missing word) changed slightly. In 1980, it was 20% and the proportion minused 2% in 2010.

Abdurahim · Answer

MY WRITING

The line graph compares and contrasts data on the changes in the precentage of foreign tourists enjoyed from visiting 4 various attractions located in Brighton in England between 1980 and 2010. Overall, 2 of all attractions increased steadily whereas rest of it decreased. Looking at the detail Festival was the highest point in the graph with 30% in the first decade while Pavilion closely followed to it which was around 24%. In 1985, tourists that come to the Pavilion slightly rose up and intersected during Festival fall down around 25% in 1995 and stabilized till end of the period. After 1985 , there was a dramatically grow untill 1995 which was the highest tourist visiting attraction in Brighton with around 48% but it dropped down significantly from 1995 to 2010. Its clearly seen that Pier started with the lowest point of 10% foreigners in 1980 and fluctuated a lot between 1980 and 1995 while 22% of tourists come to Art Gallery , subsequently, it strengthened steadily in the first 5 year though, there was a non-stop decrease till end of a period. Moreover, Pier crossed Pavilion in 2005 and continued increasing in 2010.

Writing Task 1 : tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

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