Writing task 1. Please review my essay.Thanks!!

Question

The maps illustrate how the layout of the Grange park has been changed from 1920 compared to the present day.

Overall, the park has been remodeled a lot, there are more features and the land was also utilized for other purposes such as areas for sightseeing and playing.

One key change is in the central area of the park where there is a big rose garden with four seats on four sides, which was previously a fountain in 1920. More interesting, on the west side of the garden, builders have renovated the stage for musicians into a colossal amphitheater for concerts. Thus, it is more beneficial for spectators due to more watching seats.

A further change is the provision of an underground entrance where it is a place for a car park. In addition, above this entrance, a water feature has been created, which was just a glasshouse in the ancient days.

Perhaps the most significant change is on the north-east corner of the park, a children’s play area, replacing a pond for water plants so that more children can come to the park and play in their particular area. Moreover, next to it is a Café, located on the site of a former rose garden.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The (how many maps are there?) maps illustrate how ~~the layout of the~~ Grange park (Proper nouns must be capitalized) has been changed from 1920 ~~compared~~ to the present day.

Overall, the park has been remodeled (wrong word. Remodel is for buildings, not for land areas.) a lot, there are more features and the land was (Are you writing about the use of the park as it was in the past? Or are you writing about the present day use? You must be careful about the verb tenses) also ~~utilized~~ for other purposes such as areas for sightseeing (inappropriate) and playing.

(Your paragraphs are too choppy and short. Do not write more than four paragraphs - preferably three - for task 1.)

One key change (That should be in the "overall" paragraph. You must clearly delineate the 'major features" from the detail.) is in the central area of the park where there is a big rose garden with four seats on four sides, which was previously a fountain ~~in 1920~~. ~~More interesting,~~ (Do not write your opinions or reactions in Task 1. Just describe the information presented.) on the west side of the garden, builders have ~~renovated the stage for musicians~~ torn down the bandstand and replaced it with ~~into~~ a colossal amphitheater for concerts. ~~Thus, it is more beneficial for spectators due to more watching seats.~~(Do not write any conclusions or deductions in Task 1. Just compare the information. Do not interpret what it leads to.)

A further change is the provision of an underground ~~entrance where it is a place for a~~ car park. In addition, above this entrance, a water feature has been created, which was just a glasshouse in the ancient days.

(Wrong phrase. Something is "ancient" if it is more than a thousand years old. )

Perhaps the most significant change (That should be in the "overall" paragraph. You must clearly delineate the 'major features" from the detail.) is on the north-east corner of the park, a children’s play area, replacing a pond for water plants ~~so that more children can come to the park and play in their particular area.~~ (Do not write any conclusions or deductions in Task 1. Just compare the information. Do not interpret any results. Do not speculate..) Moreover, next to it is a Café, located on the site of a former rose garden.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay. There are three paragraphs: introduction, main features, and detailed comparisons. That format follows the instructions for Task 1: Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps depict Grange Park as it was when it opened in 1920 compared to the present day. This public park is one

The two maps depict Grange Park as it was when it opened in 1920 compared to the present day. This public park is one large block, bounded on the north by Arnold Avenue and Eldon Street on the south.

Overall, in 1920, the park was dominated by gardens, with three rose gardens, a water lily pond and a glasshouse. A bandstand and a fountain were central features of the park, and all the seating areas were along the edges by the streets. Since then a play area, café, water feature and an amphitheater were built.

In detail, Grange Park originally had no parking facilities. Underground parking is now available with an entrance on the south east side. The fountain in the center of the park has been replaced by a square rose garden with benches on all four sides. On the west side, concerts can be performed in a large amphitheater with a seating area. That replaced the bandstand which had no seating. The only things remaining today from the 1920 configuration are the Arnold Avenue and Eldon Street entrances and the rose garden in the northwest corner.

Writing task 1. Please review my essay.Thanks!!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions