Writing task 1. Please review it

Question

The pie charts give information about the average intake of 3 kinds of nutrients in 4 typical meals in the United States of America. Types of nutrients are sodium, saturated fat and added sugar that may affect negatively to health if consumed too much.

Overall, dinner contains the most proportion of sodium and saturated fat compared to breakfast, lunch and snacks. Breakfast makes up the least intake of 3 kinds of nutrients.

Regard to sodium, breakfast and snacks have the equal percentage of 14%. Whereas lunch has the second largest number with 29%, which doubles that of breakfast or snacks. When it comes to saturated fat, while dinner still occupies more than one- third of the total( 37%), breakfast only takes up more one- tenth of 16%. The percentage in lunch and snacks is 26% and 21% respectively. Finally, snacks is meal rich in added sugar with 42%, which is nearly equal to the sum of percentage in dinner and lunch. The proportion of added sugar in breakfast is the same as that of saturated sugar.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The (How many charts?) pie charts give information about (That is very vague. You did not write what is on the pie chart.) the average intake (intake would be measured in grams or ounces. Are those measurements on these charts?) of 3 kinds of nutrients in 4 (Write out small number in words if they are not data values.) typical meals in the United States of America. ~~Types of~~ These nutrients are sodium, saturated fat and added sugar that may affect negatively to (wrong expression) health if consumed too much. (What are the four meals?)

Overall, dinner contains the most proportion (You did not write about proportions in the first paragraph.) of sodium and saturated fat compared to breakfast, lunch and snacks. Breakfast makes up the least intake (wrong expression) of 3 kinds of nutrients.

Regard to (wrong expression. There are two ways to use "regard". 1) With regard to ... 2) Regarding ...) sodium, breakfast and snacks have ~~the~~ equal percentages, 14%. Whereas lunch has the second largest number (wrong word. A number is a count such as 54 or 234,876 or 7. ) with 29%, which ~~doubles~~ (wrong form - There are three ways to express this 1) is double that of ... 2) is twice that of ... 3) is two times that of ...) that of breakfast or snacks. When it comes to saturated fat, while dinner still occupies (wrong word - contains / has ) more than one- third of the total( 37%), breakfast only takes up more one- tenth (wrong expression) of 16%. (One-tenth of 16% is 1.6%. Is that what is on the chart?) The percentage in lunch and snacks is 26% and 21% respectively. Finally, snacks are high in ~~snacks is~~ (wrong expression) ~~meal~~ ~~rich~~ in added sugar with 42%, which is nearly equal to the sum of percentage in dinner and lunch. The proportion of added sugar in breakfast is the same as that of saturated sugar. (wrong expression)

Here are two examples of opening paragraphs:

The three pie charts, one each for sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar, depict the proportion of daily intake of these nutrients distributed over four meals, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. The data is from the US.

There are three pie charts presenting data on the eating habits of Americans. The first gives the percentage of sodium consumed daily in each of the four meals, the second gives saturated fat, and the third, added sugars. The four meals are breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.

Sample essay:

Three pie charts, labelled sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar, show the percentage of that nutrient consumed in each of four meals in a typical day. This data is from the average American diet which consists of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and in-between meal snacks.

Overall, Americans get most of their daily intake of saturated fat and sodium in the evening meal. They get their greatest proportion of added sugars from snacks. Breakfast, which contains moderate amounts of these unhealthy nutrients, is the healthiest meal.

In the first pie chart, sodium, dinner has the largest fraction of daily consumption at 43%, followed by lunch with 29%. A similar pattern is seen in the second pie chart (saturated fat) with dinner having the largest proportion (37%) followed by lunch (26%). However these charts show considerable differences in the percentage intake for two meals, snacks (21% of saturated fats compared to 14% of sodium ) and breakfast (16% and 14%, respectively). The third chart, added sugars, shows a markedly different pattern, with nearly half (42%) in snacks, and the rest rather evenly distributed over dinner, lunch and breakfast, 23%, 19% and 16% respectively.

Writing task 1. Please review it

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