Writing task 1 . Please help me check

Question

The line graph illustrates the number of female working as a legislature in 5 European countries ( Germany, Italy, France, UK, Belgium ) during the period of over 10 years from 2000 to 2012.. Overall, it is evident that more and more woman employed in parliament in 2012 than in 2000. The highest percentage of women, who were the members of parliament, in Germany, while the lowest number of those in Belgium.. The proportion of parliamentary women in both Germany and France raised slightly. However, a gap number between two countries was different. The number of female members of parliament in France, which made up over 25% and reached a peak at considerably more than 30% in 2000 and 2012 respectively, were lower than those in Germany, accounted for well over 30% in 2000 and about 36% in 2012.. There was a sudden fluctuation in the number of females joined in parliament in other countries. The percentage of Italy parliamentary women went up steadily from 2000 to 2008 and lower than Germany. However, in 2012 parliamentarian women's percentage in Italy was the highest than 4 other nations, at below 40%. As in Italy, there was a dramatic jump in the number of female members of parliament in the UK, at just a very small percentage in 2000 and more or less than 23% in 2012. Whereas the proportion of Parliamentarian women in Belgium were found a steady rise ( at over 15% and over 20% in 2000 and 2004 respectively) and a drop from 2008 to 2012. In 2012, the number of parliament’s women in Belgium as the same as Uk.

WRITE DESCRIPTION HERE

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You need to divide your essay into three or more paragraphs.

1. General description of the graphic.

2. Overview of the most important or obvious features.

3, 4. Detailed analysis.

I have highlighted the text with errors. Please fix them and re-post. If you do not know how to fix them, ask specific questions in your reply.

The line graph illustrates the number (wrong word) of female (wrong form) working as a legislature (wrong word) in 5 (write out small numbers in a description sentence) European countries ( Germany, Italy, France, UK, (missing word) Belgium ) during the period of over 10 years (Be precise!) from 2000 to 2012..

(Your first sentence has many problems. Please write a new version.

A "number" is an value without units, such as 69, 365.2422, or 6.022140857 × 10²³. The graph does not plot numbers. Here is your fallacy.

Germany has 598 seats in parliament and Italy has 945. In 2000, according to the graph, the number of women in the German parliament was 200 (33% of 598), whereas there were 246 in Italy (26% of 945.) So even though the percentage of women was higher in Germany than Italy, the number was lower.

If you assume that the number of seats was constant, you can compare relative numbers in ONE country between two different years. But you cannot compare numbers between different countries.

In Task 1, you have to be very very careful. )

Overall, ~~it is evident that~~ Do not write opinions or conclusions. Words such as "obvious", "clear," and "Evident" are your opinions about the subject. Just write what you see. ) more ~~and more~~ woman (wrong form) employed (wrong form) in parliament in 2012 than in 2000. The highest percentage of women, who were the members of parliament, in Germany, while the lowest number of those in Belgium.. The proportion of parliamentary women in both Germany and France raised (wrong form) slightly. However, a gap number (wrong phrase. What is a gap number? "A" = one number. ) between two countries was different. The number of female members of parliament in France, which made up over 25% and reached a peak ("a" = one. You cannot have one thing at two time values.) at considerably more than 30% in 2000 and 2012 respectively, were lower than those in Germany, accounted for well over 30% in 2000 and about 36% in 2012.. There was a sudden fluctuation (wrong word) in the number of females joined in parliament in other countries. The percentage of Italy (wrong form) parliamentary women went up steadily from 2000 to 2008 and lower than Germany. (ungrammatical) However, in 2012 parliamentarian women's percentage in Italy was the highest than (improper use of superlative) 4 other nations, at below 40%. As in Italy, there was a dramatic jump in the number of female members of parliament in the UK, at just a very small percentage in 2000 and more or less than (More than 23% or less than 23%?) 23% in 2012. Whereas the proportion of Parliamentarian women in Belgium were found a steady rise ( at over 15% and over 20% in 2000 and 2004 respectively) and a drop from 2008 to 2012. In 2012, the number of parliament’s women in Belgium as the same as (missing word) Uk. (wrong form) The last sentence is a false statement.

Fluctuation describes a rapid, and usually random variation. Here are two graphics that show "fluctuation." Task 1 graphs very seldom show this type of pattern. Use "change" or "variation."

Writing task 1 . Please help me check

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