Writing task 1. Please help me

Question

Give me some new comment about it., fit it and take a good words better to describe it. Thanks for you help.

The line chart compares the percentage of visitor to England who came to different attractions in Brighton.

Looking at the line chart, it is immediately obvious that four graphaps gradually rose and fell over the given peridod and the the percentage of people came to Pavilion was highest in 2010.

In 1980, the percentage of tourists went to Festival was highest, at 30%. While , the figure for Pier was significantly lower, at 10%. The rate of visitor went to Pavilion was, about 24%, compared to 21% of Art Gallery.

Between 1985 and 1995 have especially rose and fell fluctuation. In 1985, the rate of visitor went to Art Gallery increased about 38% and reduced to 20%. In 1995, Being overtaken of all, the figure for Pavilion rose sharply and reached about 48%. Meanwhile, there were slight period of fluctuation for Festival and Pier.

After 5 year. The percentage of tourists came to Pavilion decreased marginally and became the highest level in entire chart. Ranked the second was the percentage of tourists went to Festival without unchanged in 2010. In addition, the rate of tourists came to Art Gallery was,at 22%. Whereas, the rate of tourists vistied Art Gallery was only under 10%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Give me some new comments about it., fit (wrong word) it and ~~take a~~ give me some good words to better to describe it. Thanks for your help.

You will learn more if you re-write your essay including the necessary corrections and post it. We can check it again for any remaining issues. You need to pay attention to relative clauses. You write them incorrectly. You do not write a relative pronoun. Relative clauses require a relative pronoun.

"Rate" is not a synonym for percentage. "Rate" is some measure per unit time. For example, a rate of speed can be 50 km/hour. A typing rate can be 50 words per minute. A birth rate for a country can be 15 live births per 1000 women of child-bearing age per year.

An example of "rate" in this chart is this: The percentage of visitors to Pavilion increased nearly linearly from 28% in 1985 to 38% in 1995. That was an average rate of increase of one percent per year for this decade.

The line chart compares the percentage (wrong word) of visitor (wrong form) to England who came to different attractions in Brighton.

Looking at the line chart, it is immediately obvious that four graphaps (wrong word, misspelled. There is only one graph! There are four lines on the graph. Each line denotes a different measurement. ) gradually rose and fell over the given peridod and the the percentage of people (missing word) came to Pavilion was highest in 2010. (factually incorrect)

In 1980, the percentage of tourists (missing word) went to Festival was highest, at 30%. While , (wrong punctuation) the figure for Pier was significantly lower, at 10%. The rate (wrong word) of visitor (wrong form, missing word) went to Pavilion was, (wrong punctuation) about 24%, compared to 21% for of Art Gallery.

Between 1985 and 1995 have especially rose and fell fluctuation. (ungrammatical sentence) In 1985, the rate (wrong word) of visitor (wrong form, missing word) went to Art Gallery increased to about 38% and (missing words) reduced to 20%. In 1995, Being overtaken of all, (wrong usage) the figure for Pavilion rose sharply and reached a peak of about 48%. Meanwhile, ~~there were slight period of fluctuation~~ the numbers for Festival and Pier had slight variations.

After 5 year. The (wrong punctuation. Five years from when?) percentage of tourists (missing word) came to Pavilion decreased marginally and became (wrong words. ... but it still remained higher than ....) the highest level in (missing word) entire chart. Ranked ~~the~~ second was the percentage of tourists (missing word) went to Festival without unchanged in 2010. (wrong usage) In addition, the rate (wrong word) of tourists came to Art Gallery was,at 22%. Whereas, the rate of tourists vistied Art Gallery was ~~only~~ under 10%.

Please fix your errors are repost a new version.

Writing task 1. Please help me

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