Writing task 1 please give me pointers

Question

The table given compared people of all different ages in a town cycled in 2011 in percentage term.

Overall, the proportion of female riders were consistently higher than that of male cyclists. The figure was higher among young age group who used bicycles in 2011.

Girls and boys aged under 10 cycled whose figure was more than half of that in all group ages. The percentage of girls aged 10 to 17 rode bikes at about 42% was almost double the proportion of boy riders.

The 18-39 and 40-59 bracket age accounted for a small fraction. In the first group, the figure for the female rider was 17.1 % in comparison with that for male was 9.7%. In the second group, the comparable figure for those aged 40-59 for female and male were 12.3% and 8% respectively.

However, the percentage of those aged 60 plus who rode bicycles reaching 18.5% for women compared to around 13% for men.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table ~~given~~ compared ~~people of all different ages in a town cycled in 2011 in percentage term.~~ That is not good. Towns do not cycle, do they? And there are not all different ages of people, only certain age groups. You also missed males and females.

You need to tell the reader about all the aspects of the table: age group, female, male, percent who

You need to tell the reader about all the aspects of the table: age group, female, male, percent who rode bicycles, and 2011.

Model paragraph:

You need three sentences to explain all aspects of this table. The first sentence gives the subject matter, the geographic area and the time frame.

1. The table gives information about people who rode bicycles in one town in the year 2011.

Note: "information" is generally vague and not exact, but you explain exactly what the information is in the second sentence.

2. The information given is the age group, the gender and the percent of the population who were bicycle riders.

Note: You need to give the next level of detail. The reader knows that there are only two genders, but you need to explain the age groups. That comes in sentence #3.

3. There are five age groups, young children aged 0-9, older children aged 10-17, young adults aged 18-39, adults aged 40-59, and adults over 60.

Note: You have not mention any data values. You have only explained everything about the Task 1 figure.

Overall, the proportion of female riders were consistently higher than that of male cyclists. ~~The figure~~ It was higher among young age group who used bicycles in 2011. (ungrammatical - also we use cell phones, pens or computers. We do not use bicycles.)

Girls and boys aged under 10 cycled whose figure was (ungrammatical) more than half of that in all group ages. (wrong word order) The percentage of girls aged 10 to 17 rode bikes at about 42% (incorrect) was almost double the proportion of boy riders.

The 18-39 and 40-59 bracket age accounted for a small fraction. In the first group, the figure (wrong word) for the female rider (wrong form) was 17.1 % in comparison with that for male (wrong form) was 9.7%. In the second group, the comparable figure (wrong word) for those aged 40-59 for female and male (wrong form) were 12.3% and 8% respectively.

However, the percentage of those aged 60 plus who rode bicycles reaching (wrong word) 8.5% for women compared to around 13% for men.

Vocabulary: Figure Do not use "figure" in task 1 to mean a data value. In a math/science context, a figure is an illustration or diagram inserted into the text. Figure can refer to a data value in the context of business performance. Usually that is in newspapers, not in math/science texts.

Writing task 1 please give me pointers

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