[Writing Task 1] Please give feedback on my writing

Question

PicThe bar chart given reveals the percentage of USA citizens with a solitary lifestyle in 5 different age groups from 1850 to 2000.Overall, all 5 groups experienced the upward trend, among which the percentage of the group of elderly people living on their own was always the highest compared to the other categories.In 1850, the figures of the two 37-46 and 47-54 categories were the same at 2.5 percent. After 50 years, the difference between these two groups was 0.5 percent and remained unchanged until 1950. In 2000 the percentages of the 37-46 and 47-54 groups was 7 and 13 percent respectively. The number of residents over 55 living alone did not vary much for the first two marks of the period, then rocketed to 17 percent in 2000.For 1900 and 1950, new age groups were added. The data of the 27-36 proportion remained stable until 1950, then doubled in 2000. There were the least number of that aged between 17-26 living alone during the period, which increased by 3 percent from 1950 to 2000.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Did you read my previous advice? I don't think so.

Do I need to repeat it? Here it is:

1. In a math/science context, a figure is a table, diagram or other graphic inserted in the text. It refers to numeric values only in a business performance context. Avoid the word "figure" in Task 1.

2. Avoid the verbs "see, witness, experience" in Task 1.

The bar chart ~~given~~ reveals (wrong word) the percentage of Americans ~~USA citizens~~ with a solitary lifestyle (Wrong expression) in 5 five (Write out small numbers in words unless they are data values.) different age groups from 1850 to 2000. (Incomplete paragraph. How many age groups? What are they? What is the frequency of the bars?)

Model paragraph: This completely describes all aspects of the figure. It does not give any data values.

The bar chart plots the percentage of Americans who lived by themselves over the period from 1850 to 2000. They are divided into five age groups: 17-26, 27-36, 37-46, 47-54 and 55-64. There are four sets of bars shown at 50-year intervals: 1850, 1900, 1950 and 2000. Data for the two youngest groups is missing from the 1850 data set, and data from the youngest group is missing from the 1900 data set.

Overall, all 5 groups experienced ( Percentages and groups do not have experiences. ) ~~the~~ upward trend, ~~among which~~ The percentages in the group of elderly people (The elderly are people over 70 or 80. Is that one of the groups?) living on their own were ~~was~~ always the highest compared to the other categories.

In 1850, the figures (wrong word) of the two 37-46 and 47-54 categories were the same at 2.5 percent. After 50 years, the difference between these two groups was 0.5 percent and remained unchanged until 1950. In 2000 the percentages of the 37-46 and 47-54 groups was 7 and 13 percent respectively. The number (wrong word) of residents (wrong word) over 55 living alone did not vary much for the first two marks (wrong word) of the period, then rocketed (wrong word - do not use hyperbolic emotive words in Task 1. Use objective, mathematical vocabulary. ) to 17 percent in 2000.

For 1900 and 1950, new age groups were added (So there are now more than five groups? Which groups? You never have listed the age groups for the reader.) . The data values for the 27-36 proportion (wrong word) remained ~~stable~~ constant until 1950, (What was the data value?) then doubled in 2000. There were the least number of that aged between 17-26 living alone during the period, which increased by 3 percent from 1950 to 2000.

[Writing Task 1] Please give feedback on my writing

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