0
Nimbus2k2 Posted 7 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

[Writing Task 1] Please give feedback on my writing

The bar chart presents the number of students of an university in UK in four groups: who completed, fail to write or rewrote their dissertation in three years of 1990, 2000 and 2010.

Overall, over the years more students finished their dissertation or had to rewrite it, while there were fewer students failing to write their dissertation.

In 1990, there were 150 pupils who met the deadline with completed dissertation. After ten years, the number rose by more than 50 students and by the year 2010 doubled the figure of 1990. For the group of those who did not finish their dissertation on time, the number gradually increased by approximately 10 students every ten years, finally reached 45 in 2010. The number of students rewriting their dissertation experienced a dramatic rise from 10 students in 1990 to 30 in 2000, then slightly dropped the next ten years.

Meanwhile, fewer students failed to write their dissertation. The number decreased by nearly a half during the period between 1990 and 2000 and in 2010 there were about 10 students failing - exactly the number of students rewriting dissertation in 1990.


WRITE DESCRIPTION HERE
  

Top answer

The bar chart presents the number of students of an university in UK in four groups: the ones who completed, fail to write or rewrote their dissertation in three years of 1990, 2000 and 2010. It is difficult for the reader to understand the four different groups because you have mentioned only three in your list. Also, the time period is challenging to parse.

  • The bar chart presents the number of students of an university in UK in four groups: the ones who completed, fail to write or rewrote their dissertation in three years of 1990, 2000 and 2010.
  • It is difficult for the reader to understand the four different groups because you have mentioned only three in your list.
  • Also, the time period is challenging to parse.
  • Here are two model paragraphs The bar chart presents the number of students of an university in the UK in each of four groups: 1) those who completed their dissertation on time, 2) those who completed it late, 3) those who had to rewrite it and 4) those who failed.
  • Data is given for each of three years 1990, 2000 and 2010.
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

1 Answers
0

The bar chart presents the number of students of an university in UK in four groups: the ones who completed, fail to write or rewrote their dissertation in three years of 1990, 2000 and 2010.


It is difficult for the reader to understand the four different groups because you have mentioned only three in your list. Also, the time period is

Related Questions