Writing task 1: Please check my essay

Question

The pie graphs illustrate how much four categories of food, consumed by people worldwide by the year 2008, compared to that of China and India. Overall, it is clear that processed food was the most popular diet of people in all three charts. Citizens in the world consumed small nuts and seeds, however, the opposite was true for the Chinese and the Indians.

Only over 40% diet of the global population came from processed, which was slightly greater than that of India and exactly 7% higher in China. It was followed by vegetables and fruits, provided over one-third food stocks for Chinese people and took 23% of Indians. The figure for that over the world was just below 30%.

Nuts and seeds accounted for almost one-third dietary needed of the Chinese, which was five times than the world average and greater than 8% in India. The animal food consumption in India almost the same as the world's dietary demands occupied 27% and 26% respectively. Whereas, food devoured from animals supplied 15% Chinese, 12% lower than the figure in India.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please attach an image of the pie charts.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You have some good ideas, but you need a lot more practice writing mathematical and scientific descriptions. Most of your phrases are wrongly written, resulting in inaccurate reporting.

The pie graphs (wrong word. Also, how many of them are there?) illustrate (wrong word. ) how much four categories of food, (wrong phrasing) consumed by people worldwide by (wrong word) the year 2008, compared to that of China and India. Overall, it is clear that processed food was the most popular diet of people in all three charts. Citizens in the world consumed small nuts and seeds, however, the opposite was true for the Chinese and the Indians.

Do not mention any data values in the first paragraph. Only describe the parameters of the figure. Write a list of noun phrases covering all aspects of the diagram. then use these noun phrases to make sentences. The first paragraph can have one to three sentences. Here are the noun phrases I would write for this exercise:

2008
food consumption
four categories of food
processed food, food sourced from animals, vegetables and fruits, nuts and seeds
three pie charts
China, India and world

Paragraph 2 should give 2-3 main observations.
Paragraph 3 gives some details.

Here is a model for paragraph 1:

The three pie charts show a breakdown of food consumed globally as compared with India and China in four categories. The four categories are: processed food, food sourced from animals, vegetables and fruits, and nuts and seeds. The data is for the year 2008.

Overall, ~~it is clear that~~ ("clear, noticeable, evident, and obvious" are opinion words. Do not write opinions in Task 1. Just describe the figure.) processed food was the most popular diet "Popular" means that people like it. That is a conclusion.) of people in all three charts. ~~Citizens~~ (wrong word - citizens are legal residents of a particular country or city.) People in the world consumed small (wrong word - it is not in the diagram) nuts and seeds, however, the opposite was true for the Chinese and the Indians. (That is incorrect. People of all nationalities shown ate this type of food. You wrote that the Chinese and Indians did not eat any nuts and seeds.)

Only over 40% diet (You have an exact value - use 41%. This is not a good phrase. Forty-one percent of the food consumed globally was in the "processed food" category.) of the global population came from processed (missing word) , which was slightly greater than that of India and exactly 7% higher in China. (This means that 47% -- 40% + 7 % --of the Chinese diet consisted of processed food. That is incorrect.) It was followed by vegetables and fruits, provided over one-third food stocks (wrong phrase) for Chinese people and took 23% of Indians. (wrong phrase) The percentage ~~figure~~ (Avoid the word "figure" in Task 1 to refer to data values.) for ~~that over~~ the world was just below 30%.

Nuts and seeds accounted for almost one-third dietary needed (wrong phrase) of the Chinese, which was five times than (wrong word) the world average and greater than 8% (wrong phrase - You wrote that 1/3 is greater than 8%. Yes, 33% is greater than 8%, but that is not a good description of the data.) in India. The animal food consumption in India almost the same as the world's dietary demands occupied (wrong phrasing) 27% and 26% respectively. Whereas, food devoured (wrong word) from animals supplied 15% Chinese, 12% lower than the figure in India.

Model paragraphs 2 and 3:

Overall, the highest percentage of the diets fell in the category of processed food, with the second highest being fruits and vegetables. The category with the largest difference between the global diet and the Chinese and Indian diets was nuts and seeds. The Indian diet was more similar to the global average than the Chinese diet.

In detail, about half of the diet in China and India consisted of animal food and vegetables and fruits. However, Indians consumed a much higher proportion of meat products, 37% as compared to 15%. The worldwide proportionate consumption of processed foods was higher than in either of these countries, 41% as compared to 39% in India and 34% in China. The proportion of the Chinese diet devoted to nuts and seeds was almost five times greater than the world average, 19% as compared to 4%. And that of India was nearly three times higher, 11%.

Writing task 1: Please check my essay

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