Writing task 1 ( pie chart)

Question

Please helps me to check this essay, thanks in advance!here my essay:The pie charts illustrate the proportion of tendency to land jobs of people in different towns from 1960 to 2010.Overall, the figures for manufacturing accounted for the highest figures in both towns in 1960, but over the next 50 years, while manufacturing was the most popular choice for people in town B, people in town B prefered services.In terms of town A, the figure for manufacturing stood at 41% in 1960, and it had seen a nearly twofold decrease to 20% in 2010, which was similar to the figure for sales, from 1960 to 2010 witnessed a moderate decrease of 14%. An opposite pattern was evident in the figures for services, it made up 29% in 1960 before enjoying a dramatic upswing to 64% over the 50-year period.Regarding town B, people choosing producing was at the top position, wth 70% in 1960, and then there was a marginal dip to 53% in 2010, whereas there was a fall of 15% in the figure for those opting for services in the same period. Besides, the figures for sales nearly remained unchanged at 20% over the given period.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The biggest mistakes are to add the idea of choices or preferences to a data plot. Just describe the data and do not infer any reasons you think are the causes behind it.

Learn the difference between discrete time points and continuous time values. The time expressions are not the same.

Finally, do not use human action verbs - see, experience and witness - for numbers or inanimate objects. It is not appropriate for science/maths text.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

The pie charts illustrate (poor word choice. Read my advice for the best verbs.) the proportion of tendency to land jobs of (incorrect - there is nothing on this pie chart related to applying for jobs.) people in ~~different~~ two towns, A and B from (incorrect. From ... to ... is for line graphs, not discrete time points.) 1960 to 2010.

(You have to write precisely when you describe factual information presented in a graphical form.

Illustrate is for maps, diagrams and pictures, not for math plots.)

Overall, the ~~figures~~ (poor word choice. Read my advice.) percentages for manufacturing accounted for the highest f~~igures~~ in both towns in 1960, but over the next 50 years, (incorrect. This expression is for line graphs, not discrete time points.) while manufacturing was the most popular choice (There is nothing about preferences or choices. Just describe the data. Do not make conclusions or inferences about how the people were thinking.) for people in town B, people in town B prefered (wrong word) services.

In ~~terms of~~ town A, the ~~figur~~e percentage for manufacturing stood at 41% in 1960, and it had ~~seen~~ (Numbers cannot see. They have no eyes.) a nearly twofold decrease to 20% in 2010, which was similar to the percentages ~~figure~~ for sales, from 1960 to 2010 having ~~witnessed~~ (Numbers cannot witness any events. Only people can do this.) a moderate decrease of 14%. An opposite pattern was evident in the percentages ~~figures~~ for services, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) it made up 29% in 1960 before ~~enjoying~~ (Numbers do not feel emotions of enjoyment). a ~~dramatic~~ upswing more than doubling to 64% ~~over the 50-year period~~. (This is for line graphs with continuous data)

~~Regarding~~ In town B, people choosing producing (incorrect. Just describe the data) was at the top position, wth 70% in 1960, and then there was a marginal dip (Marginal means "small". A drop of 17% is not small.) to 53% in 2010, whereas there was a fall of 15% in the percentage ~~figure~~ for those opting (wrong word) for services ~~in the same period~~. Besides, the percentage ~~figures~~ for sales nearly remained unchanged at 20% over the given period.

Writing task 1 ( pie chart)

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