Writing task 1: Money spent on books in Germany, Italy, Austria and France

Question

Please help me to check and correct this essay, thank you very much!!

The line graph demonstrates how much money is used on books in 4 different nations, namely Germany, France, Italy and Austria.

Overall, It is clear that the 4 trends were similar. They all increased in the year 2005. Also, people in Germany spent the most money on books compared to the other 3 countries.

All the lines on the graph have the same starting figure in 1995. Over the 10-year period, generally, the amount of money spent on books in Germany which went up so far than the other countries, from around 80 dollars in 1995 to about 95 dollars in 2005, despite a minor fluctuation between 1999 and 2005.

The final figure of the other 3 nations were a growth, however they were below the amount of money German used on books. Although French spent much money more than Austrian in the beginning in 1995, which was approximately 55 dollars and exactly 30 dollars respectively, then, they had nearly the same the expenditure on books in 2005, which was about 75 dollars in France and Austria increased sharply at above 70 dollars. Likewise, in the 1995-1999 period, there was a slight variation in Italy. However, throughout the remainder of the period, Italian spent much money on books than before, from 50 dollars in 1999 to roughly 62 dollars in 2005

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AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph shows ~~demonstrates~~ how much money is (wrong tense. The money was spent years in the past.) used on (. used "to buy books" / "for book purchases" / "for buying books") books in 4 four ( use words for small numbers) different nations, namely Germany, France, Italy and Austria.

Overall, ~~It is clear that~~ the 4 trends were similar. They all increased in the year 2005. Also, people in Germany spent more ~~the most~~ money on books compared to the other 3 three countries. (When you compare two things, use the comparative form. When you compare more than two, use the superlative. "Of all the four nationalities, Germans spent the most on books.)

All the lines on the graph have the same starting value ~~figure~~ (In a scientific context, a "figure" is a graph, table, or illustration inserted into the article. Avoid the use of the word "figure" to refer to data values in Task 1.) in 1995. Over the 10-year period, generally, the amount of money spent on books in Germany which went up so far (wrong expression) than the other countries, from around 80 dollars in 1995 to about 95 dollars in 2005, despite a minor fluctuation (wrong word) between 1999 and 2005.

The final ~~figure~~ values for of the other 3 nations were a growth, (wrong expression. Also you have made a comma splice error.) however they were below the amount of money German (wrong form) used on books. Although French spent much money more (wrong expression) than Austrian in the beginning in 1995, which was approximately 55 dollars and exactly 30 dollars respectively, ~~then,~~ they had nearly the same the expenditure on books in 2005, which was about 75 dollars in France and Austria increased sharply at above 70 dollars. (wrong form) Likewise, in the 1995-1999 period, there was a slight variation in Italy. However, throughout the remainder of the period, Italian spent much money on books than before, from 50 dollars in 1999 to roughly 62 dollars in 2005 (missing punctuation)

Fluctuation:

These graphs show the pattern "fluctuation:" The first is a predictable seasonal fluctuation.
The second shows random fluctuation. Your graph has variations in the data, or deviations from the trend line, not fluctuations.

Writing task 1: Money spent on books in Germany, Italy, Austria and France

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