Writing task 1: Line graph

Question

Please help me check my writing.Thank you very much!

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton.

The graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival in Brighton from 1980 to 2010.

Overall, the number of tourists to Pavilion and Pier saw an upward trend while the percentage of tourists to the others fell over the period.

Accounting for just under 25% in 1980, visitors numbers at Pavilion soared dramatically and reached the peak of under 50% in 1995. However, this figure experienced a sudden drop to 35% in 2000 and continued to sank
gradually to over 30% in 2010. Meanwhile, the number of tourists to the Pier hovered around 10% and 15% from 1980 to 2000 before climbing steadily to over 20% in 2010.

As can be seen from the graph, there was a slight variation in the number of visitors to Festival. In 1980, it stood at 30% and then fell to 25% in 1995 and the period ended at the rate of around 27% in 2010. By contrast, Art Gallery showed some wild fluctuations with a spectacular rocket from 20% in 1980 to over 37% in 1985, following by a significant decline to hit the lowest point at just over 8% in 2010. (188 words)

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please post your writing exercises in this forum:

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The graph illustrates the proportion (That is not the word used on the line graph.) of visitors (missing words) to Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival in Brighton from 1980 to 2010. (The missing words are critical to your essay. Also, there is more than one line on the graph.)

Overall, the number of tourists to Pavilion and Pier saw an upward tr

Overall, the number of tourists to Pavilion and Pier saw an upward trend (You cannot say this. You don't know what the numbers were.) while the percentage of tourists to the other Brighton attractions fell over the period. (Correct. )

Accounting for just under 25% in 1980, visitors numbers (The chart does not show numbers. It shows percentages, not numbers. For example, suppose there were 4000 visitors who came to England in 1980. According to the chart, about 1000 (25%) visited Pavilion. But suppose 1995 was a year when the economy was bad, and many people could not afford to travel to England. There were only 1000 total visitors. According to the chart, 50% (500) went to to Pavilion. That is a decrease in the number of visitors, even though the percentage increased. There is no information given on the chart that tells us how many visitors came in each year, so you cannot say anything about numbers. Charts and graphs are mathematical and they show precise measures. You have to be very exact and careful with your words, or you will be completely wrong in your conclusions. ) at Pavilion soared dramatically and reached the (wrong determiner) peak of under 50% in 1995. However, this figure experienced a sudden drop to 35% in 2000 and continued to sank gradually to over (It is not logical to use "over" with a verb that indicates going down. Use "just over.") 30% in 2010. Meanwhile, the number of tourists to the Pier hovered ~~around~~ between 10% and 15% from 1980 to 2000 before climbing steadily to over 20% in 2010.

~~As can be seen from the graph~~, There was a slight variation in the number of visitors to Festival. In 1980, it stood at 30% and then fell to 25% in 1995 and the period ended at the rate of around 27% in 2010. By contrast, Art Gallery showed some wild fluctuations with a spectacular rocket from 20% in 1980 to over 37% in 1985, following by a significant decline to hit the lowest point at just over 8% in 2010. (188 words)

Writing task 1: Line graph

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions