Writing task 1 in IELTS exam

Question

I am preparing for the IELTS exam. Please review my report and check my mistakes. Many thanks!

The bar chart below shows how many people were imprisoned in five countries.

Unit: thousand

My essay:

The bar chart gives the number of prison population in five different countries in the period of 50 years.

Overall, the number of prisoners fluctuated in most of the countries over the period shown. Only Great Britain’ prisoners remained consistent trend which where the number increased considerably.

In 1930, the number of prisoners in Canada was the highest, reaching the figure of 120 thousand inmates, compared with nearly 25 thousand and 70 thousand for Great Britain and Australia, respectively. Prisoners in both New Zealand and the United States have the same number (100 thousand). In the following 50 years, despite some fluctuations, Canada’ prisoner decreased to over 80 thousand inmates in 1980. Similarly, the number of prisons in New Zealand and Australia also fell and has the similar number with Great Britain’ prison number at around 60 thousand in 1970.

By contrast, Great Britain witnessed a sharp increase from around 30 thousand in 1940 to over 80 thousand in 1980 in the number of prisoners. In 1980, their number was slightly lower than those in New Zealand where the number of prisoners continued to increase to 85 thousand. Canada’ prison population also went up. Increasing from 1930 to 1950, the number considerably fell to over 80 thousand, before reaching its peak of nearly 140 thousand inmates

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar chart gives the number of prison population (wrong usage) in five different countries (which 5?) in the period of 50 years. (imprecise. It could be any 50 years, e.g. from 1835 to 1885!)

Model opening:
The bar chart shows the number of people imprisoned in Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand, the United states and Canada every decade from 1930 to 1980. The units are in thousands.

Overall, the number of prisoners fluctuated (wrong word) in most of the countries over the period shown. Only Great Britain’ prisoners remained consistent trend (wrong usage) which where (ungrammatical) the number increased considerably.

In 1930, the number of prisoners in Canada was the highest, ~~reaching the figure of~~ 120 thousand inmates, compared with nearly 25 thousand and 70 thousand for Great Britain and Australia, respectively. Prisoners in both New Zealand and the United States have the same number (You wrote: "Prisoners have the same number... " This is not correct. It does not show what prisoners have. ) (100 thousand). In the following 50 years, despite some fluctuations, Canada’ prisoner decreased (wrong usage. You wrote that one prisoner decreased. ) to over 80 thousand inmates in 1980. Similarly, the number of prisons (wrong usage. A prison is a facility. It can house many prisoners.) in New Zealand and Australia also fell and has the similar number with Great Britain’ prison number (wrong usage. This means that the prison has an identifying number. Usually prisons have names. Leavenworth and Alcatraz are famous prisons in the US.) at around 60 thousand in 1970.

By contrast, Great Britain witnessed a sharp increase from around 30 thousand in 1940 to over 80 thousand in 1980 in the number of prisoners. (wrong position) In 1980, their number was slightly lower than those (wrong form) in New Zealand where the number of prisoners continued to increase to 85 thousand. Canada’ (wrong form) prison population also went up. Increasing from 1930 to 1950, the number considerably fell (How could an increasing number fall?) to over 80 thousand, before reaching its peak (How do you know that this was a peak?) of nearly 140 thousand inmates (missing punctuation)

Fluctuation: This pattern can sometimes occur in line graphs. They can be regular, as in the seasonal fluctuations of CO2, or random, as in prices in auction bidding for a commodity.

Here are two examples:

Peak a peak is a a high point, where the values both before and after are lower. See the peaks in gold prices which are marked on this line graph.

Writing task 1 in IELTS exam

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