Writing task 1 IELTS

Question

The pie charts shows the percentage of global deforestation caused by different activities.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Global causes of deforestation (2006)

Cattle ranches 54%

Small scale subsistence agriculture 33%

Other: 6%

Mining, road constrution and dams 3%

Logging 3%

Large scale commerical agriculture: 1%

This is my answer:

Word count: 100

The pie charts illustrates what activities cause global deforestation in 2006. The largest percentage, fifty-four percent, root by cattle ranches. Thirty-three percent use small scale subsistence agriculture in order to destroy the forest. Six percent vandalize for anthoer actions. The percentage of global deforestation caused by developing of resourees, build the highway, construct dikes and cutting trees are the same ( three percent). However, just one percent bring about emploing large scale commerical agriculture. In general, the smal scale subsistence agriculture make global deforestation more than about thirty- two percent compare the large scale commerical agriculture.

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Doctor D · Accepted Answer

Setting aside grammar corrections, you need to do two things here. First, organize your essay by paragraphs. Second, avoid negative words which suggest bad motives for those who contribute to deforestation. Here are the rest of my suggestions:

The pie charts illustrate what activities caused global deforestation in 2006. [Put in past tense because the data is old.]

The pie charts illustrate what activities caused global deforestation in 2006. [Put in past tense because the data is old.] The two largest causes of deforestation were ~~percentage, fifty-four percent, root by~~ cattle ranches (fifty-four percent) and ~~Thirty-three percent use~~ small scale subsistence agriculture (thirty-three percent) ~~in order to destroy the forest~~. [The first two causes are much larger than the others, so put them in the opening paragraph.]

[Make a new paragraph on the remaining smaller causes of deforestation]

~~Six percent vandalize for anthoer actions.~~ All other causes were minor compared to these [introduction to new paragraph.] For example, the percentage of global deforestation caused by developing of resources totaled six percent. Mining, road construction, and dams provided three percent of this total, while, ~~build the highway, construct dikes and cutting trees are the same~~ logging also added three percent). Miscellaneous causes added another six percent.

[New paragraph where you conclude with remarks about the last bit of data.]

~~However, just one percent bring about emploing~~ Surprisingly, large scale commercial agriculture only caused one percent of the deforestation problem. Thus, in the field of agriculture, the real issue lay with ~~In general, the~~ small scale subsistence agriculture, which, as we saw, caused a third of ~~make~~ all global deforestation ~~more than about thirty- two percent compare the large scale commerical agriculture.~~

Okay, that may be hard to read. So here is the reworded essay:

The pie charts illustrate what activities caused global deforestation in 2006. The two largest causes of deforestation were cattle ranches (fifty-four percent) and small scale subsistence agriculture (thirty-three percent).

All other causes were minor compared to these. For example, the percentage of global deforestation caused by developing resources totaled six percent. Mining, road construction, and dams provided three percent of this total, while logging also added three percent. Miscellaneous causes added another six percent.

Surprisingly, large scale commercial agriculture only caused one percent of the deforestation problem. Thus, in the field of agriculture, the real issue lay with small scale subsistence agriculture, which, as we saw, caused a third of all global deforestation.

(113 words)

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Writing task 1 IELTS

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