Writing task 1: Cinema attendance by age group (03/11/2016)
Hello. I have studied English for a short time so my ability of writing a passage is not good. Can you check my writing and give me some advice? Thank you so much.
You can see the chart here: https://www.facebook.com/tuhocIelts8.0/photos/a.181164402077575.1073741827.181151958745486/547003468826998/?type=3&theater
"The line chart illustrates the percentage of cinema attendance by age group in Great Britain from 1984 to 2000.
Overall, the proportion of people who attended cinema was increased in all four age group but the number of attendances were highest in the group 15-24.
It can be seen from the graph that despite some fluctuations, the percentage of cinema participants went up throughout 16 years. It was only 16% in 1984 and rose to 54% in 2000. The highest percentage of this age group was 58% in 1999.
In 1984 about 10% of the age group 7-14 went to cinema, in contrast to only 1% of those aged over 35 and 4% of the age group 25-35. In 1996 the proportion of age group 7-14 reached to highest point with 39% and age group 25-25 reached to 34% in 1995. In 2000, they stopped in the same position with 32%. The number of people who were among 35 and over were went up regularly from 1% to 14% in 2000."
Top answer
Overall, the proportion of people who attended cinema was increased (Use the simple past, not the passive form) in all four age group (Four group s - the noun must be plural because there is more than one) but the number of attendances were highest in the group aged 15-24 (also: age group 15-24) . It can be seen from the graph that despite some fluctuations, the percentage of cinema participants went up throughout the 16 years. It was only 16% in 1984 and rose to 54% in 2000.
- Overall, the proportion of people who attended cinema was increased (Use the simple past, not the passive form) in all four age group (Four group s - the noun must be plural because there is more than one) but the number of attendances were highest in the group aged 15-24 (also: age group 15-24) .
- It can be seen from the graph that despite some fluctuations, the percentage of cinema participants went up throughout the 16 years.
- It was only 16% in 1984 and rose to 54% in 2000.
- ) age group was 58% in 1999.
- In 1984 about 10% of the age group 7-14 went to the cinema, in contrast to only 1% of those aged over 35 and 4% of the age group 25-35.
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Overall, the proportion of people who attended cinema was increased (Use the simple past, not the passive form) in all four age group (Four groups - the noun must be plural because there is more than one) but the number of attendances were highest
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