Writing Task 1: A chart

Question

The diagram illustrates the figure for three major reasons for land degradation in four different regions globally. Overall, deforestation and breeding are the most popular causes of land damage around the world.

The two largest areas of land that are damaged by tree-cutting, over-grazing and agricultural activities are Asia and Africa with approximately 1180 and 1260 million hectares each. Meanwhile, Australia and Europe are considerably lower, nearly 300 and 400 million respectively.

It can be seen easily that, breeding is the main leading cause of land degradation in Africa, Europe and Australia, especially breading in Africa is twice as many million hectares as in Australia. Next, these regions also have the lowest areas of land damaged by farming with 300 million, below 100 million and nearly 50 million hectares respectively. Moreover, Australia and Europe have the same amount of land, which is degraded by deforestation with 100 million hectares.

In Asia, tree cutting is the most common reason for land loss with 450 million hectares, following by farming with 420 million hectares, then breeding with 380 million hectares.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

I have highlighted some of the problem areas of text.

The diagram (That is not the right word to use. Be more specific.) illustrates the figure (Wrong word. A Figure is a diagram or illustration included in an academic article.) for three major reasons for land degradation in four different regions globally. Overall, deforestation and breeding (This is not a good word. Breeding is when you put a male and a female animal together for the purpose of creating offspring. This does not do any damage to land. The diagram was not made by a native English speaker. They meant to say "grazing" or "animal husbandry".) are the most popular (wrong word. Popular means that a lot of people like it. Who likes damage to land?) causes of land damage around the world.

The two largest areas of land (What is the vocabulary word for Africa, Asia, Europe and Australia?) that are damaged by tree-cutting, over-grazing (That is an appropriate word, but it is not on the chart.) and agricultural activities are Asia and Africa with approximately 1180 and 1260 million hectares each. Meanwhile, Australia and Europe are considerably lower, nearly 300 and 400 million respectively.

~~It can be seen easily that,~~ (This is your opinion. Do not write opinions or conclusions in Task 1. Just describe the graphic. ) breeding is the main leading cause of land degradation in Africa, Europe and Australia, (comma splice error) especially breading in Africa is twice as many million hectares as in Australia. Next, these regions also have the lowest (wrong word. A "low area of land" will be flooded before other areas are. ) areas of land damaged by farming with 300 million, below 100 million (Not precise enough. 2 is below 100, and so is 99.) and nearly 50 million hectares respectively. Moreover, Australia and Europe have the same amount of land, (wrong comma) which is degraded by deforestation with 100 million hectares.

In Asia, tree cutting is the most common reason for land loss with 450 million hectares, following (wrong form) by farming with 420 million hectares, (missing word) then breeding with 380 million hectares.

Writing Task 1: A chart

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