Writing Task 1

Question

Please help me correct my essay. Thank you in advance.

Topic: The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Script:

The bar chart gives information about the spending of French and British people on consumer goods in 2010.

Overall, the consumption in the UK exceeds that in France, except for the two categories, namely Computers and Perfume, where the patterns are slightly opposite.

As can be seen from the chart, cars was the most spent item by both countries, with around 450,000 pounds expended in the UK, compared to 400,000 pounds in France. The expenditure on Books and Cameras also followed the same pattern, in which, the French spent around 300,000 pounds, less than 10,000 pounds compared to the British. In addition, Cameras had the biggest gap between two nations, where the spending in France was less than half of that in the UK (15,000 pounds compared to 35,000 pounds).

On the other hand, the disparity in spending between two countries was quite similar on Computers and Perfume, with French slightly spent more, at around 39,000 and 20,000 respectively, which was around 1,000 pounds more than that of each item in the UK.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar chart ~~gives information about~~ (That is very vague. What exactly is plotted?) the spending of French and British people on consumer goods (That implies a sum, that is, total spending on all consumer goods. That is NOT what is on the chart. You need to be accurate and precise. Read my advice.) in 2010.

Overall,

Overall, the consumption in the UK exceeds that in France, except for ~~the~~ two categories, (You never mentioned any categories before. The reader is confused. Bad cohesion and coherence.) namely Computers (computers is not a proper noun. Do not capitalize it.) and Perfume, (perfume is not a proper noun. Do not capitalize it.) where the patterns are slightly opposite.

(That makes no sense. It is bad English.)

~~As can be seen from the chart~~, (That tells the reader nothing about the information. These are unnecessary words. There is only one chart.) cars was the most spent item (ungrammatical, wrong phrasing) by both countries, with around 450,000 pounds expended in the UK, compared to 400,000 pounds in France. The expenditure on Books (books is not a proper noun. Do not capitalize it.) and Cameras also followed the same pattern, in which, the French spent around 300,000 pounds, less than 10,000 pounds (300,000 is not less than 10,000 wrong phrasing.) compared to the British. In addition, Cameras had the biggest gap (not good English) between two nations, where the spending in France was less than half of that in the UK (15,000 pounds compared to 35,000 pounds).

~~On the other hand~~, (That is not a good transition for Task 1. It is for Task 2 when you are writing about opposite opinions. ) the disparity in spending between two countries was quite similar on Computers and Perfume, with French slightly spent more, (You cannot use a full clause, French spent more" as the object of a preposition. It is not grammatical English) at around 39,000 and 20,000 respectively, which was around 1,000 pounds more than that of each item An item is one computer or one book or one car. That is not correct here, because it is a whole lot of items in each category. ) in the UK.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Sample essay (~185 words)

Paragraph #1 Describe the figure, but not the information content.

Paragraph #2 "Overall" This paragraph has 2 or 3 of the most significant observations. The first one is from summing all five categories for each country.

Paragraph #3. Write about some interesting details. Do not write about every data point on the chart. You are only supposed to summarize and highlight the main features.

The bar chart compares the spending (in pounds sterling) by French and British people in 2010 on five different categories of consumer goods – cars, computers, books, perfume, and cameras.

Overall, in total the British outspent the French by a substantial margin; their expenditures being larger in three of the five categories (cars, books and cameras). The largest differences were for cameras and books. The French outlays in the other two categories - computers and perfumes - exceeded that of the British, but not by very much.

For both countries, cars represented the largest purchases, 450,000 pounds for the British and 50,000 less for the French (400,000). After cars, the next largest category for the British was books and computers for the French. The British spent about 60,000 pounds more for books (410,000) than the French did for computers (350,000). The third largest spending category for the British was cameras (350,000), exceeding computers by a slight margin. Perfume was the lowest category for the UK consumers (180,000 pounds). The French spent more on perfume (200,000 pounds) than they did on cameras, which was their lowest category - 150,000 pounds.

Writing Task 1

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions